It's been awhile.....

Haven't posted in a long time. Things are going pretty smoothly around here which is pretty amazing. I finally quit Weight Watchers--after a whole year I am only down 12 pounds. Not too bad, but nothing that I am that proud of. A friend and I started walking after work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and once we did a little cardio and weight training with the PE teacher at work. I'm liking the walking thing...need to get back on the eating right thing.

I told my friend yesterday--we are both big girls--she just happens to be almost 7 inches taller than me--my problem is I really don't "see" myself as fat. Now don't get me wrong I am fat...60 pounds over weight (at least) but the only time I have issues is when I am trying on clothes or in my swimsuit...the rest of the time I feel normal sized. When I dream...I am skinny in my dreams. Lately I have issues with my stomach sticking out--and when I see myself in pictures I don't like it, but on an every day basis I am happy. So....why in the world am I obsessed with the weight thing? And why on earth can't I get a handle on it.

I've thrown around the whole "I'm filling myself up with something I am missing in my life, my past, my childhood, fill in the blank", but anymore I'm not sure that is it. I'm very happy with my marriage, my children and my job. Our finances are stabilizing...I live in my dream home...I want for nothing (well that 640 million would have been nice...) so what exactly is my issue.

I'm going to be analyzing and reflecting a lot this summer--before my birthday in September I would really like to figure out a plan. Not only a personal one...but a professional one. I'm going to be trying to figure out who I am and what I am doing with my life...do I want to lose weight, if I do how much, what I want to do with my paycheck--save it, pay off bills, pay for Kate's college, what I want to be as a wife, mother, friend and co-worker. I would like to talk Doug into doing the Dave Ramsey thing and getting ourselves out of debt. I want to have the $950 we pay to bills every month to go into savings or a vacation club or into a house improvement fund.

I need to figure it all out...be in control by the time I am 50---figure out how to save for our retirements---I will need the beach a lot when I am old you know...enjoy life without worrying about money for the rest of my freaking life. And if I figure out the weight thing along the way so much the better.

Here's to figuring it all out.