Stuck in a rut...

I was so deep in the rut last week that I barely got myself out. I was feeling really unhappy about being home and really anxious about applying for the job that I was almost non functioning. I was crabby (that's putting it nicely honey!) and stressed and a lot depressed. While lying on the couch contemplating it all I decided that I needed to treat being home like a job.

I made some lists (imagine that) and came up with daily chores, weekly chores, bi-weekly and monthly chores. And yesterday--I got up with everyone else and took a shower and got ready--hair and makeup done--dressed decently with jewelry (and just by doing that I felt much better.) You know getting ready to start the day at this job.

Yesterday I got so much more done than I have in a long time. I made our bed, washed 2 afghans and a coat, made the bathroom presentable, picked up here and there and cleaned out every box, basket and bin that had paper work in them (well, all of my baskets, bins and boxes). I also tackled the filing. I have been putting it off for a really long time. Try the last year or so. UGH! I re-vamped some binders and categories and got everything but a handful of things filed. I need to make new folders and I don't have any so next grocery store run I will be picking them up and finishing that project.

One of my new goals is to finish what I start--that day. I did forget a basket last night but first thing this morning I tackled it and I'm done. I even cleaned the junk drawer. It felt so good to have it out of the way--it's been hovering on the to do list for a year and now it's done. I started at 11 and finished at 3--so it wasn't a big amount of time, but I had it in my mind for so long that it would be so hard and take so long so I never started it. Stupid of me.

Today I want to finish the 3 loads of laundry that I have and clean off the dining room table. I also want to figure out what we are having for supper and get that laid out. Plus all the daily chores I have listed. I need to look through my weekly and bi-weekly (pay day week) chores and figure out what days I am going to work on those things that need to get done. I might try to make up days of the week cards on them--assign certain chores to a certain day. Not sure on that yet.

Also I want to make a list of big "to do's" around here. One to go on the fridge so that any one can tackle them.

Why do I always

Question myself? Now it seems like I can't decide if this is the job I want. I am giong to go ahead and apply and if I get it then I guess it was meant to be. Most of my problem is that I have "failed" at the last 2 jobs I had so I don't have any confidence. I also can't see myself in the future. Am I going to be Pat's age and still working at the school. The money would be nice, but I don't always want to have my life revolve around money. I guess time will tell...

what's that saying?

Be careful what you wish for....hmmm...Kate came home Tuesday from school and said "I was working with the school secretary today instead of study hall and she's retiring and thinks you should take the job". Well...uh....I was totally speechless. I thought about it for a day, talked it over with Doug, texted it over with BFF and decided that I would go in there today and catch her in action and see what it would be like. It was hectic--and I was only there for an hour. 4 teachers, 2 discipline problems, 7 phone calls, 1 post-prom Mom, 10 students for random things. WOW! Of course I went in 2nd hour. Right about the deadline time that parents have to call in absent kids so I'm sure that was a lot of it. Principal was gone for the day so I'm sure other days would run smoother???

*7:30-3:30--no lunch but I could eat at my desk. If I want a lunch I have to work longer. (Not working until 5--on my wish list)
*work 10 days before school starts and 10 days after it is over. (Having the summers off--ultimate wish list)
*if the kids aren't there I don't have to be. (I would be home with my kids when they are off. ultimate wish list)
*12 sick days and 2 personal days
*insurance and retirement--bonus
*$10.50 hour (could use my money to start an emergency fund and to pay off our debt which is a major goal for me this year and until it gets paid off--it could possibly help me do it one year sooner than I originally planned--which would be next year instead of 2012)

So all in all, it sounds like a good deal. Who am I kidding, it sounds like a wonderful idea. Zach gets on the bus at 7:10 and Kate walks to school at 7:30--no issues in the morning. I could still get home in time to go get Zach from practices and such and head to games and meets at a decent time. Perfect for me.

So, I will work on my resume tonight to take in tomorrow to get going on the whole process.

What to say...

I haven't written on here for a little while and it's because I really don't have much to say. I've been in a little slump lately. I'm getting my normal stuff done, but everything extra is well...waiting. What I am waiting for I have no idea.

I'd say I'm half depressed. I think I would like to work again, but when I think about it, I worry that I won't get to go to all of Zach's track meets or baseball games or even pick him up from practice. I should be happy to just be at home, but when I'm here I look around and think I want this I want that and it makes me want to go shopping and spend money that we don't have--because I am not working. Catch 22.

I've been trying to figure a way for us to be debt free except one car payment and the mortgage in 2 years. I think I have it figured out--but there isn't anything extra--there isn't anything fun. And to have to think that there will be nothing extra or fun for 2 years is just...not fun. I know we can do it. I have it figured out that we would be done paying on everything (and have a little savings--with a couple's vacation thrown in at the beginning of the 2nd year--so I guess that is fun but it's at the end of the time)in 2 years--by the end of 2012. Anyway, to convince everyone else to get on board is becoming challenging. Am I going to be the one that has to say no to everyone?

In fact last week when I had sat here for a whole day and figured out how to do it I proudly told Doug what I wanted to do and by when. He listened and probably not even an hour later says--we need to get "fill in the blank with an item that was not under $100". Can you say frustration. I of course said "were you not listening earlier?" I said there wasn't room for anything extra!!! That "fill in the blank" costs $300!!! Duh!

Today I went out to take the car to fill the gas tank and...flat tire. Didn't the Camry hear me say there wasn't anything extra? Luckily in the next 2 years I am building an emergency fund--but I don't have one now. Credit Card city--the very things I don't want to use for the next 2 years. I'm praying that it can be patched, but knowing my luck we will need to get a new tire. Cross your fingers.

BFF and I are doing a yard sale at the end of April and I hope I just squeak out enough to buy my flowers for the porches. I need at least $100. I have $50 in Wal-Mart gift cards--but that won't even cover 3 of the hanging baskets I want to get. I guess I don't have to get all my flowers--but they make me happy. I enjoy them all summer long and sometimes into the fall. So, I think I didn't even make $100 last rummage sale--hope I can at least get close. I've been going through a lot of our stuff and have a lot to get rid of, but...

We did save money from our tax return to do a weekend type vacation with the kids this year. The more I think about it I guess there will be fun thrown in here and there, but...for me fun things are things I get instant gratification from. You know my standbys--jewelry, crafts, scrap booking supplies, shoes, clothes, etc. And I could still use my personal spending money for that kind of stuff but I only get so much every couple of weeks.

I guess this whole post is about me trying to wrap my head around all these ideas I've been having about money. I need to get fully on board and then run with it.