Jury Duty

Well, this week I was picked for jury duty. Lucky me, the courthouse was closed yesterday for election day and today I was on the coroner's jury. Because of that I only had to do an inquest and that was it--I am done for the rest of the week. Yeah!!!

On other notes. The 8th grade boys had a tournament that started Saturday and goes this week. Zach played a quarter and then some with 2 other 7th graders in the first game. We were down by 6 and ended up by 3. None of those baskets were from him. Last night he started. Talk about a heart attack! I saw him sitting on the bench without his warm up on before the game and the nerves started. We lost last night so we play again tomorrow night for 3rd place I believe. Next week is the actual 7th grade tournament in Morrisonville.

My computer sounds like it is about to take off--time to get off of here...

WTF?

This week was crazy busy--lots of kids out sick. Lots of homework to request. Lots of stuff to get ready for my sub next week...because I will be on jury duty. I worked late last night and made a list of everything I needed to do today before 3:30--why is it that everything I had to do at the end of the day didn't get done because the office was jammed packed and crazy from 2:15 on. UGH!!!! I will have to go back in tonight to finish up the substitute report for the end of the month and to do the attendance report for the end of the month and to get stuff ready for my sub next week. OMG! Just when I think it is calm--the storm hits.

Also frustrated on the basketball car pool level. Last week the mom that put it all together was going to be out of town so she made arrangements for her ex's new wife to pick up for her didn't show up one night--because the boy went home with a friend--so one of us had to high tail it to Blue Mound to pick the rest of them up. Then today it was 20 after 4 and the dad had yet to come pick Zach up and practice was at 4:30. I had to speed all the way there so Zach wouldn't have to run laps. Who knows what time they got there. These kids are frustrating who don't tell their parents that there is a time change for practice. It's almost not worth it.

Jury Duty. UGH!

Just another manic Monday...

Why are Mondays after a long weekend always harder than any other Monday--which by the way is pretty darn hard?

Lots of kids sick at school today and had to go home--not to mention the ones that were called in--including my own.

Field trip--a whole chorus class that had to be put in for attendance.

The principal had a medical procedure on Friday so he was late coming in because he was still recooperating. And of course every one gets sent to the office when the principal isn't there.

Teachers who are high maintenence.

Other staff that are high maintenence.

Driving 5 boys to basketball practice.

A church finance meeting.

Laundry that never got finished over the weekend.

Brand new garage door openers that aren't opening correctly. UGH!

Trying to figure out what to make for supper.

Wanting to scrap--more like organize my area--but every time I go up there I get distracted. If I spent 1/2 the time scrapping that I do rearranging I would get tons of stuff done.

Basketball games start this weekend as Zach is dressing for the 8th grade tournament. Don't know if he will play, but...gearing up to listen to the same parents from last year "bitch" because my kids is playing over theirs. LOVE IT!

Already got a call from one of the bball moms about food for the hospitality room for that tournament. Have to make spaghetti and do a veggie tray Monday night. Need to head to the store again.

Hope this isn't any indication about how the rest of the week is going to go.

10 things about me right now...

1. I'm still working up to the fact that I want to have less in my life. On Columbus Day I spent the whole day watching the show "Hoarders" on A & E and at every commercial I went and took something out of a drawer, a closet, a basket, etc.

2. I only have 2 major projects left at work to do. Cell Phone policies and cleaning out and labelling all my file cabinets--I think there are 12 of them--yikes.

3. I have jury duty for the first time in my life starting November 1st. The thing I am most worried about is that the old secretary is going to be my substitute, because my regular one can't take a week away from her home business. I just don't know about this.

4. I'm so ready for Fall. It took forever to get here, but when we were out and about this weekend I noticed the leaves are turning. Yeah.

5. I'm ready to start Christmas shopping--and I have money to do it. Double yeah!

6. Kate got her permit last Friday but I am too chicken to take her driving by myself. I keep picturing my mother when she took me. Maybe I'll let the dad do it until she gets better...

7. Zach has basketball try outs tonight and tomorrow. Crossing my fingers for him!

8. I have Friday off and I don't have a plan yet. Better get one.

9. Need to take my BFF out for her birthday. I feel bad because we never see/talk to each other any more. Can these kids hurry up and grow up so we can have some free time?

10. I need to read a book. I don't feel like myself when I don't read.

Every one says you begin to know your real self at 40...

I think that is true. It's like I turned 40 and all of a sudden I don't want extra stuff in my life, I don't want to be someone I am not, I don't want to deal with people who get on my nerves. Things don't matter so much as people do. I wonder how I wasted most of my life "wanting" things. Now I want peace, I want family time, I want simplicity, I want love, I want less, I want to feel safe, I want to be genuine, I want to quit pretending around certain family members. I want to be myself, my whole self and nothing but myself.

Today felt like Monday all over again...

Geez it was the day from hell for sure. Tons of sick kids called in, kids coming into the office wanting to go home sick, parents calling about homework, substitutes, teachers who can't/won't do attendance. I called a parent today whose child was actually at school. How embarrassing. 1st hour teacher did not do attendance, 2nd hour teacher marked her absent, and 3rd hour teacher did not do attendance. Made me look like an idiot. I had enough and sent out a email to all the teachers and told them to do their attendance. How hard is it. You click on your class--You click on the kids that aren't present in your class (if they aren't already on there because they are sick or at an appt or something else) and you chose "A" for absent. How hard is it? Takes me less than 5 minutes when I do it for the teacher that doesn't have a computer or for a sub. Give me a break! Funny the ones that cared and came to ask me weren't the culprits. Well, one usually is but she actually did her attendance today. So I told her she was good for TODAY! Hope they got the hint. There were also the kids that forgot their driver's ed permit money and had their parents bring it in--try 12 of those, the kids that got their cell phones taken away (3), the kids that got sent down to the office for behavior issues(7) and the teacher that calls down multiple times a day because he can't control his classes (he called twice), oh and the athletic director who is so unorganized it isn't funny, and I haven't had a copy machine all week--since I started it has been broken 2 of the 5 days there are in a week. It's a rough 1st year, but by next year I should be used to it, right? Today was the first day I questioned my sanity of wanting this job and accepting it. Ha. I'm going in tonight after supper to catch up on all the stuff I didn't get to today. I need to feel like I'm making some progress--my piles have piles. I have to get the activity fund ironed out, and make progress on the letters to parents who owe the school, I need to do 2 deposits and make a list of all the kids that need to come down to the office to fill out a cell phone policy. It's never ending. But even after everything that happened to day I still love it. Go figure!

Preparing myself to purge...

If you know me, you know that I am all about organizing. Cleaning out, cleaning up and containerizing--with labels, of course. You all think that I am neat in every area of my life that every nook, cranny and space in my house is exactly the way that I want it. You have this false impression that because I am organized I am not a "keeper". Oh, but I am here to tell you that it is hard for me to let go of stuff.

The 4 bins of off season clothes in the basement tells a different story. Also the unfinished attic, the basement, baskets, and bins and drawers full of stuff. I have trouble letting go of certain things. Scrapbooking stuff I will probably never use, bedding (I know, weird), containers, antique stuff, stuff my kids have made, stuff that used to belong to someone I loved, toys from my children, decorations I might use some day, my own clothes, shoes and jewelry. Those are all areas that I struggle with on a daily basis.

Sunday I helped Zach clean his room--and I mean clean--CLEAN. He was ruthless--he was fearless--I was cringing as he pitched pictures, toys, trinkets, keepsakes, stuffed animals and other stuff. In fact, I am horrible because I rescued clay figures he had made and other stuff I want to show his kids when he grows up. He went through clothes--even if they were newer--I told him it wouldn't offend me if he only kept what he loved and wore--along with his dress clothes--he hates. We cleaned out so much that he has 2 empty shelves and one empty drawer.

Why can't I be like that? I start out that way--I feel fearless as I pitch makeup I haven't worn in years, 10 lipsticks that I bought thinking they were the perfect color only to get them home and find out I hate all of them. I am ruthless as I go through clothes in my closet and take out shirts that I haven't worn all season--only to put them in a bin and put them in the garage for the rummage. Then when I go through them later to mark them I end up pulling stuff out of it because I might wear them one day...ha...I'm laughable.

Recently I started putting clothes in black garbage bags and then having Doug run them as fast as he can to the nearest Salvation Army drop box. That day--sometimes that hour. It feels good to be free.

I'm desperately working myself up to the end all and be all purge of our home. Where I am brave, fearless and ruthless. Where things I have been keeping for years get tossed, donated or sold. Where I will not feel guilty because I paid good money for something that I don't use. I want to be the lady who buys what she needs and only when she needs it. Really, how many people do you know that need 30 short sleeved shirts or 30 turtleneck sweaters. Come on!!! My problem is that I don't know how many is a good amount--5? seems to few. 10? not enough choices. 15--seems like it is pushing too many. ARGH!

The next month I will be doing a lot of soul searching--a lot of figuring out where I want my life to go--what is really important to me--and then letting the rest go. So what if I don't have a sweater for every day of the month. So what if the quilt that I have been saving from Kate's bed for one of the beds for my grandkids gets donated? So what...will it really affect my life poorly if I don't have it in 10 years.

Also I will be rethinking every purchase I want to make. I will be making a list and only getting the stuff that I still "need" in 2 weeks. I only have one thing on my list right now and it is casual brown clogs.

I am going to plan on going through every drawer, box, basket and closet,every bin in our unfinished attic space, every thing in our garage and basement. I need to feel free--I need to keep only what I love and what I use--the rest is just pulling me down. FREEDOM here I come...

Week 2 of work

This week was somewhat good and somewhat bad. Monday the former secretary came in and showed me most of the attendance on the computer. So, I have that mostly under control. Tuesday there was a big to do at school and the cops were called. I sat there all day on pins and needles. As each teacher came into the office for their prep period to check their mailboxes they said "Seriously Lori, this isn't usually how things are around here" or " we only had one fight last year and it was the end of the year". After 8 teachers said something like that in a row I started to feel marginally better. Wednesday I fielded phone call after phone call having to relate to the Tuesday issue--this from the girls who were involved in starting the whole thing in the first place. Those damn girls!!! Thursday--nothing happened--I went home feeling like I had control over most of the office. Friday--morning went well--early afternoon the office was full of people who forgot to bring their PE clothes, a girl who is getting ready to drop and didn't want to go to classes and my regular office helpers. It was extremely crowded. And a little noisy. Then in 6Th hour--people started skipping classes--which messes with my attendance and frustrates me. I was ready to go home.

Friday night Doug and I had a date night. We went to Red Lobster to eat and then to a Birthday/Divorce party and I had one too many jumbo margaritas. Home at 9:00--passed out in bed. Saturday was a cousin's baby shower and Zach had a ball game. Today I had to fit in the grocery store and I need to catch up on laundry.

I'm enjoying the job now. So when people ask me how it is going I say it's good. Last week I said it was going. I love my new boss--he's laid back and for the most part leaves me be. I like the teachers--most of them. Some I don't know very well yet. Some must like me because they hang out in my office during lunch time. I like the other secretary--she's a neat/organizational freak like me!!! Love that! Met the visiting school nurse--like her so far. So all is good on that front. I get my first paycheck on Monday--like that even more.

Now if I could only get the home part under control. I am not fitting my regular chores in to my schedule yet. I've given the kids more chores--which they are stepping up to--especially Kate. The girl is a blessing. Zach isn't doing bad either, he just is in baseball season and that is keeping up hopping too. Next week Doug is leaving for a couple of days so that should throw another wrench into the schedule. It will all work out. (that's what I keep telling myself.)

The countdown begins...

I have exactly 6 days until the kids get back to school. I don't know if what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing. I'm not getting much training. I'm winging it--my least favorite thing to do. I just wish that I knew the system. I have to finish going through the sophomores, juniors, and seniors registration forms to verify information Monday and Tuesday. It took me all day to do the Freshman yesterday--and it isn't because I am slow. It's because almost every single student had some type of information that needed to be changed. And because 4 people came into register. I don't get the mentality of the people coming in a week before school starts to register a student who is new to the district. I'm sure next week I will be thinking that the ones who came in this week were smart compared to the ones who wait until the day before. I've been warned that there will be people coming in after school starts to register. OMG! I have a feeling I am going to learn a lot this year--good, bad and ugly!

Don't jump the gun...

Well, as usual, I had myself worked into a frenzy and had trouble sleeping last night because I couldn't find anyone to help at registration. I called some more people today and left messages, I also emailed a large group and I filled all but 2 of my spots. Also a nice mom emailed a friend of hers and she emailed me to ask if she could help. Loved it! Thinking about making some homemade cards to give as thank yous to them all for helping.

Speaking of cards, I need to make a bunch anyway since I am going to be giving them out as game favors for a baby shower we are throwing for my cousin's wife. I need to come up with some invite ideas also.

I'm glad to be going back to work soon. Maybe I will actually get something accomplished on my to do list. It seems I am a better planner when I am busy working. I keep putting things off now.

A reminder for next year

Note to self: Do not put off everything that you need to do until the last month of summer. Dental appointments will get cancelled and rescheduled, Doctors will get sick and have to reschedule, Patient records will not get transferred in a timely manner and cause you to have to go to a doc in the box. You will think that you have tons of time left and you will have to go back to work the next week. Ha.

Make sure I write down big projects to accomplish in the summer and schedule them in my planner. Including to call the doctor/dentists, etc.

Also on a work note: Email the parents at the end of the school year for help for registration in the fall. It will at least give you a list of parents to call for help. So far this year I have contacted 14-16 parents--6 have told me an out right no--some are working and the others just haven't gotten back to me. I only need 8 people--4 for the morning and 4 for the afternoon. Looks like Kate will take 2 spots and Doug will take 2 spots. How crappy. Think my mom would be up for it??? Ha.

Also for vacation plans--put at least 5 days cushion in between the end of school and the 10 days I have to work after--we had that many snow days this year.

40 before 40 update

Here's an update on my 40 before 40 list.

Finish cruise scrapbook (we took the cruise in 2008)Half way done.
make a button picture
unload the last box in my closet from our move in 2008 done 12/09
Volunteer somewhere VBS this week
make a pillow
make curtains for the basement
start Library of Memories System
get all 2008 and 2009 pictures developed off of computer. donemake 25 scrapbook pages 17 as of 1/10
finish "paper" closet in den. done 1/18/10
go antiquing June with Dawn--bought a cool wooden utensil tray
buy something I love without worrying about the money (maybe wool rug from Target)only get one new purse all year Failed--just bought one.
find the perfect brown sandals--buy 2 pair
mail cards and letters to my friends on their birthdays
write in my journal for the kids more this year
blog on a regular basis--maybe weekly
put shelves up in my scrapbook area--and put all my "stuff" on them
read 4 books I wouldn't normally read 1. Catcher in the Rye 2. Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
see a play Senior play at MHS
see a musical
go away for a weekend with just Doug. 11/09
do some embroidery
do something anonomysly
give myself a pedicure once a month
have a regular date night with Doug
take each kid out to eat by myself Kate 12/09 Zach 1/10
go tent camping (cringe)
paint a picture
update Kate's school album stuff sorted--need to finish
update Zach's school album same as Kate's
make an ornament scrapbook with my BFF Dawn didn't make one, but I did.
Serve a dinner on my china 11/09
see a major league baseball game April 2010 with the Rappe's
wash down all the woodwork in the house
walk 3 times a week on a regular basis
frame my favorite quotes printed need to frame
frame a piece of each kids artwork need to buy frames
do 12 scrapbook pages about myself 4 down--8 to go
finish landscaping one side of the house started--don't know if it will be possible this year.

I need to get a move on. 1 month and 17 days to go. ARGH!!!!

Today I am thankful

I don't often think of myself as thankful that Zach has diabetes. I often think that diabetes is a big pain and I hate it. But today when I was on facebook catching up with friends I found out a girl from college just found out that her son has leukemia. I'm not sure of all the details but I got tears in my eyes just reading about it, because although my son has a disease--he is alive and as long as we/he takes care of himself he will continue to be. With her son it is unsure what is going on with him right now. I've never had to think that Zach could possibly die from diabetes. I've never had to worry that his medicine will make him sicker than he is now--his medicine makes him feel better. I've never had to think of his mortality when it comes to diabetes--I chose not to go there. But does Mary have that choice? You are in our thoughts and prayers.

I'm halfway back to normal

My mood is better, but I wish I could get motivated. Next week I have to get some stuff done. I need to make dental and doctor's appts for myself, a sports physical for Zach, eye appt. for Zach, I need to go get my fingerprints and TB testing done for work. Because before I know it school will be starting again.

Tomorrow and Friday Zach is going to Riverton to play basketball with the 7th graders. There are 4 different gyms that we will go back and forth to and they play from 8 to 5. Oh my. Going to take a book and some paper in case inspiration finds me. Oh, and the camera. Hoping to get some good shots of the boys.

Supposed to play baseball tonight and Friday night. I wonder if we will with all of the rain? Basement has more water in it that it usually does. Regular pump and water back up pump have been running pretty consistently since yesterday afternoon. So, no laundry for me. Guess I can take it over to Doug's mom and dads tomorrow evening. I did get Zach's baseball jerseys and pants washed so as long as they are able to dry down there we are good.

I have not taken a shower yet today. What is my problem? Yesterday I was in my nightgown until 2:30ish. Today I had to get dressed because I had to go outside for something.

Celebrating Kate's birthday Saturday. It's hard to believe she is 15. Where'd my little girl go? Next year this time she will be getting her license. Here's hoping the next year will slow down for me. Ha. Yeah right! Just the thought of her out there driving either by herself or with someone else is enough to scare me to death, but I am also excited for her to be growing up. Not excited for me to be getting older--but she can. Ha.

I hate rain!

That's not really true, but lately I've felt that way. It rains every. single. day. UGH! So my laundry is piling up because I can only do one load of laundry and when I do it floods the basement. (When I say floods--that's an exaggeration--it only dumps all the water from that load onto the floor--but to a perfectionist/Anal retentive/OCD mom it feels like a flood.)

Zach has only played half of his scheduled park district games--if it isn't raining at the time the field is too wet to play.

My yard is growing constantly and I can't keep up with the mowing. I mowed Friday--and 4 days later it needs it again. It is good for my flowers. That's a plus. I plan on heading outside afterwhile and mowing again--as long as the rain holds off--and the grass is somewhat dry from the rain shower we had about an hour ago.

My nerves still feel like they are on the outside of my body. It doesn't help that money seems to be tight right now. Father's Day, 3 nieces birthdays, and Kate's birthday, plus a canoing trip for Zach and Doug is July. It's all on my mind right now.

I went upstairs yesterday afternoon and scrapped a little. I worked on Kate's and Zach's school books--I did really crappy saving stuff for the last few years. Maybe I just haven't found my stash yet. I did find some stuff after I had organized it all into grades which was good. So I am going to hold off putting it all together until I go through some more stuff and maybe get some more pics developed. I should be able to get everything into one 8 1/2 x 11 album--even high school. I wasn't going to do that but if it works out that way that is fine. This is the one album that they can take with them when they leave. The rest is mine and they can fight over them when I die. But until we get some money to buy printer ink I can't even finish working on them because I can't print out the title page for each grade. Geez! I wished money grew on trees. (Story of my life!)

Psycho Mom

Hello--I am psycho mom from hell this week. I'm on my period, on the rag, shark week, my cousin is here visiting or as my husband likes to call it "under construction". I've been watching all those birth control commercials and I believe that I have PMDD.

It's amazing how my period has changed over the years. Horrible cramping when I was younger but really no other issues. After I had Kate--I'd have terrible clots. Quarter sized sometimes and slight cramping and diarrhea. After Zach--worse clots--plum sized and no cramping whatsoever, but still the diarrhea. In fact I never have cramps anymore--ever. My luck is good in that respect. I've never really had PMS. Oh, I'm sure my husband will say that I have--and that may be true, but I never noticed a difference in myself until about 5 years ago. From that moment on--for the week or more before my period I am a total and complete BITCH on wheels. I am not kidding you. Sometimes I freak myself out.

I have no tolerance for anything out of the norm. If things don't go my way or aren't done my way I LOSE it. I'm talking--eyes bulge out of my head and every word I utter is done in my yelling voice--I even say the "f" word to my kids. ARGH! Sometimes I have to shake my head to clear it. IT IS BAD! Oh and the bloating started about 5 years ago too. I feel like my stomach is bulging for the first 2 days. I hate it. ALL.

Doug is just ready for me to be done with the whole thing. But it is scary to me because the alternative is no hormones at all. What will I be like then? Lock myself in my room and not leave for 5 days??? It might have to happen. Maybe I can do that now. It's like my nerves are on the outside of my body. Every little thing causes my senses to be on overload.

I'm feeling too old for roller coasters

Ha. I have 2 bruises--one on either side of my body--on the fat rolls under my arms. Two black bruises!! I rode THe Beast, The Vortex, and The Racer (twice) and then I was done. I have officially become the "old" lady who sits and watches everyones stuff while they ride. And you know what--I don't care. It was fun watching all the people while I waited.

We spent 2 days at King's Island. The weather was wonderful. I don't think it even got to 80 on either day we were there. The kids loved it. Zach rode everything but the one where you fly like superman. Kate and Doug of course rode everything. Zach drove me crazy while waiting for them to ride the one he wouldn't. He went off exploring by himself one day and came back because he found a Subway. Imagine that! The next day when we went back he talked me into riding The Racer again and then rode it a second time by himself. The boy loved that ride.

My brain gets juggled around in my head on all rides anymore. Drives me crazy to get off of one of those with a headache. I took my tylenol so I was fine later, but man...

New Job

I started my new job on Tuesday, well, I am training for my new job. I'm not officially the new high school secretary until August 2nd when I go back and start preparing for registration.

I've been trying to learn 101 new things in the span of 4 days. Problem is that there are some things I just can't learn until the kids get there. Today I started assigning locker numbers and I cleaned out senior folders and moved everyone else up a class.

The secretary that is there now has been there since Doug left (21 years) and I have big shoes to fill. She knows it all--in a good way--I'm half afraid things will start to fall apart the minute that she leaves. I can do the job--don't get me wrong. I am a hard worker and I can succeed at this--it's just that she has it down to a science and I will be starting from scratch. She knows the kids backwards and forwards--on top of everything else I will be learning the student body. Out of about 300+ students I might know 75--1/2 of them are from Kate's class and the other half are from the 8th graders that played junior high sports with Zach--track, baseball and basketball.

She has agreed to come back and help me for a few hours a week for the first few weeks and then said she would be on-call for whenever I need her. Luckily, one of the mothers (her sub now) comes in every Monday to file and help in the office, so she will be a good resource too. I like the other secretaries in the building--the unit office secretaries--are very nice too. And the principal seems like a dream boss. He's very laid back--unlike the last Hitler--I mean boss--I had. He just basically goes with the flow. Lovely!!

I may regret saying this now, but this is my dream job--I've said that before when I worked at the church--before I got the boss from hell. It has most of the characteristics that I have on my ideal job "list". Including: good hours (7:30-3:30), working independently (this means that I am only responsible for myself--mostly and the only other co-worker will be my boss), need to be busy, I'm off when my kids are off (basically full vacation days--I do have to work the rest of the day on a 1/2 day, but I am okay with that--that will be a catch up day), and most of the summer off (I work 10 days before and after school gets out--I work a total of 196 days a year--YIPPEE!), close to home--can you say 4 doors down, feel like I am contributing to the family. Those are the big ones.

I knew if I waited patiently (ha--have you met me)something would "come" to me. I wasn't sure at first--who is of new experiences, but the minute I sat down at that interview and spoke to that principal I knew that there is where I wanted to be. Fate is like that you know.

Manic Monday

Wouldn't you know...it finally turns into summer and our outside portion of the central air...doesn't work. ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Of course we have a call into the heating and air guys, but so does probably half the county. Last night was hard sleeping--takes me back to growing up with no air--"think cool thoughts" is what my parents used to tell me. Yeah right!

Computer is acting up also. Had trouble re-booting last night so Doug quickly backed everything up on all of the cds I had. Just what we need.

Friday we had to get a new tire on the Camry. We had a slow leak in the driver's side back tire for a few weeks--that we took in to get patched--but it didn't hold. New tire.

Today is the kids last day of school. I'm so thankful for that because it took me 10minutes to get Zach out of bed today. Too much swimming and playing hard at Kyle's graduation. (Congratulations Kyle!) It's hard to believe another of my nephews is an adult now. Yikes.

I have a second interview today with the superintendent this time. Nerves are starting to kick in. I've interviewed with him before and find him harder to talk to. He's a very quiet person. I have my outfit picked out--just need to iron it. I'm not getting dressed until right before I head over there. I will just get sticky and sweaty if I do it any time before then. Remember--no air.

I am sunburned. Wanted to get some sun on Saturday at Zach's double header--so I didn't put sunscreen on until after an hour or so in the sun. Yesterday at graduation I got plenty more--especially my neck/chest and knees. It's a tad bit uncomfortable.

Going to get a hair cut tomorrow. Trying to decide if I am actually getting it cut or if I will just have it trimmed up. It's hot on the neck. Hmmm...

Only 2 baseball games this week--it's a miracle and we won't know what to do. We've been running around without our heads cut off for the last month or 2 between track and baseball. It will be fine though because starting June 2nd we start basketball open gyms and shoot outs so it will be back to our norm. Need to remember to cherish this stuff because soon he won't be participating in things that I can go see. I so love to watch him at sports. He has such a love for it all--well, maybe not track but that is the only one.

Small Town Love/Hate

10 things I love about living in a small town.

1. How most everyone waves--even if they don't know you.
2. Living 4 houses away from the highschool so we can walk to most events.
3. How my in-laws live 8 blocks away and my kids can go there whenever they want.
4. The quietness of it all.
5. How we can walk the whole town in an hour or less.
6. Our Sunday School class--what a great bunch of people.
7. That even though we live in a town of 1200 we still have a grocery store, a dollar general, a library, a resturant and a gas station.
8. That some of the teachers my kids have now, my husband had back when he went to school and that some of them go to church with us.
9. That people comment on how much they love us living in Doug's Grandma's house--they love to see it "alive" with activity and people.
10. The slowness of it all.


10 Things I hate about a small town

1. The biggest issue I have with living in a small town is that "things" get around--even if you don't want them to. And the "things" that get around aren't the truth.
2. People think that because they love to see us in Gram's house they can comment on things they don't like about what we did to it--for example--the older ones didn't like that we took down on the shiny chrome storm windows--and they let us know.
3. Neighbors have junk around their houses--because we don't have as many ordinances as a bigger city would. (Can you say 12 junk cars in the yard?)
4. Farm tractors on the country roads and grain trucks lined everywhere in the fall so they can get to the elevator--slows me down.
5. Kids honking as they come out of the student parking lot. every. single. day. (Did you hear me say above that I liked quiet?)
6. How the old ladies love to have me work at the church funeral dinners so they can boss me around and see what gossip I know.
7. That I live 20+ minutes away from my best friend and my son does too.
8. Well, I can only think of 7. Good thing. ha.

I needed put into my place...

And I was. I have been really a woe is me type of person lately. I'm not working, I'm bored, I'm lazy, my youngest child tests my patience daily, I'm this and I'm that...fill in the blank.

Someone called today and through the course of a simple conversation it came out that she is having marital issues and her son is starting to treat her like her husband does, etc. It made me think...what a good husband I have, how privileged I am to be able to stay home (even if I don't want to), how supportive he is of whatever I decide to do or not do. He's still my best friend after all these years. Love you honey!

Counting my blessings today. It's just what I needed. And He so knew it.

I'm wishing my life away...

Last night I made the comment to Zach, after he started in on his "woe is me--no one ever does anything for me" speech, that 18 couldn't get here fast enough. On some days it can't. Believe me, some days the thought of his being his normal jerk self to a college roommate instead of his mom brightens my day. Knowing him though he wouldn't be like that to anyone else but his family--he doesn't want them to know his true self. Not that I don't love that boy--because as I tell him often--he is a piece of my heart...but somedays I could use a break...or some duct tape.

I got two hugs this morning before he left for school and it took me back to that sweet 3 and 4 year old boy who loved his mommy. Nowadays I barely get a "good night". I love how independent my kids are...but some times just sometimes I miss those younger years. I can't go back though--only forward--so maybe I need to head upstairs before bed every night and "tuck" him in like I used to. Kate "tucks" me in since I go to bed before her--and I love that she does that. It's the only time the girl lets me kiss her cheek.

Mother's Day is on Sunday. And I know I'm not the perfect mom. But I'm the mom I'm supposed to be for them. God gave me those 2 for a reason--he's trying to teach us something. (Maybe that I should carry duct tape in my purse! Ha.)

I was raised "green" before "green" was cool.

(I can hear Marie Osmond in the background singing "I was country before country was cool". ha)

I don't remember my parents being particularly enviromental. When I say that I mean the things we did around the house weren't to save the earth--more to save my parents money. (And if they were to save the earth I never heard my parents say that.)

We grew up frugally. My mom was a stay at home mom until I was in high school, my sister in 7th grade. So, we had a big garden--1/4 of an acre--maybe not big to your standards but huge to us. We grew corn, green beans, sweet potatos, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, pumpkins, and I'm sure other things I don't remember. We also had a grape arbor and also Dad grew blackberries. We also had a cherry tree. We canned or froze most of the above veggies and fruits. Mom made grape and blackberry jams/jellies every year. My dad tried his hand at making wine too. I remember sitting at the front porch pitting cherries (which I hated)but I loved cherry pies so I did it. I also remember snapping beans, cutting corn off the cob and canning tomato juice. It was smoking hot in the kitchen those canning days--and of course because we didn't have central air conditioning. Mom's mom would come over and help us out. I remember hoeing and weeding and hating every minute of all that work it took to grow all those veggies. I also remember all the cool bugs that were in the garden--tomato worms and huge spiders and my favortie--praying mantis'.

We also mulched our yard. Then we raked up the grass and used it around our plants to keep the weeds away.

We turned off the water while we were doing dishes (until we rinsed), while we were brushing our teeth and while we soaped up in the shower. All this stuff is wonderful for the evironment now but we did it because we were on well water and they were afraid we would run out of water. It bothers me to this day when Doug is doing dishes and the water runs the whole time he is in there. UGH! Wasting water.

We didn't own Illinois Power either so we turned off the lights when we left a room or turned off the tv when we were done watching it--etc. I will go upstairs now after the kids leave for school and Zach's lights will be on and his tv is going and there is no one there.

And another one of my dreaded things growing up was hanging out the laundry. Everything.even.socks. ugh! Saved on electricity though. I'm looking now to get a clothes line. I won't be hanging socks out, but...I'm sure everything else will get hung out some time or the other.

I guess it is a good thing that I did all those things growing up because they are ingrained in me now and I do them without even thinking. I need to be better about recycling now--we are getting there--we do plastics and aluminum now. I need to move on to glass and paper too. Baby steps. My parents recycle. Have for a long time. So, maybe they are stewards of the earth--they just never told me that's why we were doing it.

It's just another manic Monday...

Weekend was good. Saturday was a nothing day. The good kind. Kate had spent Friday night with a friend and was going to the movies Saturday afternoon and Zach went with a friend to Six Flags so Doug and I were pretty much on our own. My mom and dad came over so Dad could help Doug install a new light fixture in our bathroom and also an outlet. Up until then we couldn't plug anything in the bathroom. So I've been drying and straightening my hair in our bedroom and he has been recharging his razor...on. the. kitchen. counter. YUCK! It only took them 3 hours which was a plus considering this house is 90 years old--and you never know what you are going to find.

After Mom and Dad left Doug and I went and had a late lunch/early supper at Red Lobster. Yum. And then we ran a few errands--by ourselves. yeah. Kate was home when we got home and for supper for them Doug went and picked up a Pizza Hut pizza--her favorite. We went to pick up Zach around 10:00 and he couldn't quit talking about what a good time they had.

Sunday was kind of a lazy morning. We skipped Sunday School and church--uh oh. and hung around together. We left around 1:00 to head to Shelbyville for Zach's first travel baseball games. We played a double header against a Shelbyville area team. This was there 12th and 13th games and you could tell. Zach was upset with himself because he didn't hit very well but his "Sports Center" foul ball catch up against the other dug out fence while he was playing 1st was good enough for me. It was after 7 by the time we got home but luckily chef Kate was here to help us out so taco fixings were ready and waiting for us. Love that she can help with suppers. Makes it so much easier on me--and less stressful.

This week's agenda: Track practice until 4:30--practice baseball game at 6:00 today, Track meet in Clinton Tuesday. Track practice until 4:30 and then baseball practice at 6 on Wednesday. Thursday free--for now--hallelujah! Friday track practice until 4:30 and baseball practice at 6:00, Saturday is a track meet (that Zach will be skipping), baseball pics at 9, opening game at 10:00 and then a double header for travel starting at 2:00. Good thing Sunday is Mother's day! (And remember in my 40th bday list of stuff to do I said I was only going to buy myself one purse this year--that I bought in January? The way around that is to pick one out and to have your kids get it for you for Mother's Day.)

Stuck in a rut...

I was so deep in the rut last week that I barely got myself out. I was feeling really unhappy about being home and really anxious about applying for the job that I was almost non functioning. I was crabby (that's putting it nicely honey!) and stressed and a lot depressed. While lying on the couch contemplating it all I decided that I needed to treat being home like a job.

I made some lists (imagine that) and came up with daily chores, weekly chores, bi-weekly and monthly chores. And yesterday--I got up with everyone else and took a shower and got ready--hair and makeup done--dressed decently with jewelry (and just by doing that I felt much better.) You know getting ready to start the day at this job.

Yesterday I got so much more done than I have in a long time. I made our bed, washed 2 afghans and a coat, made the bathroom presentable, picked up here and there and cleaned out every box, basket and bin that had paper work in them (well, all of my baskets, bins and boxes). I also tackled the filing. I have been putting it off for a really long time. Try the last year or so. UGH! I re-vamped some binders and categories and got everything but a handful of things filed. I need to make new folders and I don't have any so next grocery store run I will be picking them up and finishing that project.

One of my new goals is to finish what I start--that day. I did forget a basket last night but first thing this morning I tackled it and I'm done. I even cleaned the junk drawer. It felt so good to have it out of the way--it's been hovering on the to do list for a year and now it's done. I started at 11 and finished at 3--so it wasn't a big amount of time, but I had it in my mind for so long that it would be so hard and take so long so I never started it. Stupid of me.

Today I want to finish the 3 loads of laundry that I have and clean off the dining room table. I also want to figure out what we are having for supper and get that laid out. Plus all the daily chores I have listed. I need to look through my weekly and bi-weekly (pay day week) chores and figure out what days I am going to work on those things that need to get done. I might try to make up days of the week cards on them--assign certain chores to a certain day. Not sure on that yet.

Also I want to make a list of big "to do's" around here. One to go on the fridge so that any one can tackle them.

Why do I always

Question myself? Now it seems like I can't decide if this is the job I want. I am giong to go ahead and apply and if I get it then I guess it was meant to be. Most of my problem is that I have "failed" at the last 2 jobs I had so I don't have any confidence. I also can't see myself in the future. Am I going to be Pat's age and still working at the school. The money would be nice, but I don't always want to have my life revolve around money. I guess time will tell...

what's that saying?

Be careful what you wish for....hmmm...Kate came home Tuesday from school and said "I was working with the school secretary today instead of study hall and she's retiring and thinks you should take the job". Well...uh....I was totally speechless. I thought about it for a day, talked it over with Doug, texted it over with BFF and decided that I would go in there today and catch her in action and see what it would be like. It was hectic--and I was only there for an hour. 4 teachers, 2 discipline problems, 7 phone calls, 1 post-prom Mom, 10 students for random things. WOW! Of course I went in 2nd hour. Right about the deadline time that parents have to call in absent kids so I'm sure that was a lot of it. Principal was gone for the day so I'm sure other days would run smoother???

*7:30-3:30--no lunch but I could eat at my desk. If I want a lunch I have to work longer. (Not working until 5--on my wish list)
*work 10 days before school starts and 10 days after it is over. (Having the summers off--ultimate wish list)
*if the kids aren't there I don't have to be. (I would be home with my kids when they are off. ultimate wish list)
*12 sick days and 2 personal days
*insurance and retirement--bonus
*$10.50 hour (could use my money to start an emergency fund and to pay off our debt which is a major goal for me this year and until it gets paid off--it could possibly help me do it one year sooner than I originally planned--which would be next year instead of 2012)

So all in all, it sounds like a good deal. Who am I kidding, it sounds like a wonderful idea. Zach gets on the bus at 7:10 and Kate walks to school at 7:30--no issues in the morning. I could still get home in time to go get Zach from practices and such and head to games and meets at a decent time. Perfect for me.

So, I will work on my resume tonight to take in tomorrow to get going on the whole process.

What to say...

I haven't written on here for a little while and it's because I really don't have much to say. I've been in a little slump lately. I'm getting my normal stuff done, but everything extra is well...waiting. What I am waiting for I have no idea.

I'd say I'm half depressed. I think I would like to work again, but when I think about it, I worry that I won't get to go to all of Zach's track meets or baseball games or even pick him up from practice. I should be happy to just be at home, but when I'm here I look around and think I want this I want that and it makes me want to go shopping and spend money that we don't have--because I am not working. Catch 22.

I've been trying to figure a way for us to be debt free except one car payment and the mortgage in 2 years. I think I have it figured out--but there isn't anything extra--there isn't anything fun. And to have to think that there will be nothing extra or fun for 2 years is just...not fun. I know we can do it. I have it figured out that we would be done paying on everything (and have a little savings--with a couple's vacation thrown in at the beginning of the 2nd year--so I guess that is fun but it's at the end of the time)in 2 years--by the end of 2012. Anyway, to convince everyone else to get on board is becoming challenging. Am I going to be the one that has to say no to everyone?

In fact last week when I had sat here for a whole day and figured out how to do it I proudly told Doug what I wanted to do and by when. He listened and probably not even an hour later says--we need to get "fill in the blank with an item that was not under $100". Can you say frustration. I of course said "were you not listening earlier?" I said there wasn't room for anything extra!!! That "fill in the blank" costs $300!!! Duh!

Today I went out to take the car to fill the gas tank and...flat tire. Didn't the Camry hear me say there wasn't anything extra? Luckily in the next 2 years I am building an emergency fund--but I don't have one now. Credit Card city--the very things I don't want to use for the next 2 years. I'm praying that it can be patched, but knowing my luck we will need to get a new tire. Cross your fingers.

BFF and I are doing a yard sale at the end of April and I hope I just squeak out enough to buy my flowers for the porches. I need at least $100. I have $50 in Wal-Mart gift cards--but that won't even cover 3 of the hanging baskets I want to get. I guess I don't have to get all my flowers--but they make me happy. I enjoy them all summer long and sometimes into the fall. So, I think I didn't even make $100 last rummage sale--hope I can at least get close. I've been going through a lot of our stuff and have a lot to get rid of, but...

We did save money from our tax return to do a weekend type vacation with the kids this year. The more I think about it I guess there will be fun thrown in here and there, but...for me fun things are things I get instant gratification from. You know my standbys--jewelry, crafts, scrap booking supplies, shoes, clothes, etc. And I could still use my personal spending money for that kind of stuff but I only get so much every couple of weeks.

I guess this whole post is about me trying to wrap my head around all these ideas I've been having about money. I need to get fully on board and then run with it.

Oh March...

There you are. I wondered where you were. I've been outside looking at my perennials and wondering why they weren't coming up in this beautiful weather, but then I keep reminding myself that this is only March. There's still supposed to be some chilly weather, some rain, some sleet and maybe even a little snow. Just no frost please--my lilac tree has little leaf buds on it and it just wouldn't be Spring if frost damaged it and I couldn't smell or see my pretty purple lilac blooms.

Still patiently waiting for Spring...and my front porch flowers.

Helping a friend organize

I've recently been asked to help a friend organize her house--the problem is I don't know how serious she is. Oh, I believe that she wants to organize her house--I just don't know if she knows how much work it will be. She wants me to do it myself--but I've explained that she has to do it. I will be there every step of the way but just as it is her stuff it is her decisions. What to save, what to sell, what to throw away. I can't tell you how excited I am. To think that I could help someone get some control of part of her life--by using skills that control mine. Ha. I said it, organizing controls me. Hi my name is Lori and I am addicted to organizing (diet Pepsi, Longaberger baskets, antiques, quilts, shoes, sweaters...oh am I typing this out loud. Ha.)
Every single day I do something with organizing--whether it is to move something to a more logical location, to go through something and purge, to put away something, to move something to a pile before I figure out how to organize it, etc. Just this morning I have moved my swimsuits and sun visors into my closet, purged 3 more of my 15 3/4 length sleeved sweaters after dividing them into 6 fall/winter and 6 spring/summer (I decided for right now to keep 12 instead of the 10 I originally wanted to. (Marked off the list--check), got out the purse that I am going to use for spring from a bin in the basement, went to the kids rooms to straighten up and put things in their proper places. I feel good. I feel like I accomplished something. I feel like I could keep on going.
Back to my friend. I am going to help her. I am going to get her going on something small first since she is overwhelmed and she feels like she can't do it. I am going to ask her to do one drawer, one box, one bin, one shelf--one of something that really bothers her--but that one thing shouldn't take her more than 1/2 hour or less to do. I am going to have her accomplish something so that she sees a dent--and although some people may not think one small area makes a difference but I do. Every time she looks at that drawer, shelf, box, space she will see it organized and she will think I did that and I can do some more.
The thought of helping someone get like stuff together makes my heart sing. If she could just purge stuff that has been sitting someplace for a long time because it requires energy to go throw will be uplifting for her. If she could think "I need X" and know exactly where to go to get it...I would be happy for her. I told her we would start this summer. Wish us luck!

Spring decluttering...another room down

I'm not doing my Spring cleaning yet. Just going through stuff--purging and reorganizing. Once I get those things done in each room I will be starting my Spring cleaning list (I have yet to make). So that way--my goal is to spend one whole day going from room to room (at least one floor at a time) cleaning---not sorting, not deciding, not re-organizing just cleaning--floor to ceiling. Actually I clean ceiling to floor. I have made it through both kids' room. I just go in there every couple of days to make sure things are still neat.

I had talked to my BFF and told her that I would not be cleaning out my daughter's room. But every time I went in there I was overwhelmed with all the stuff she wasn't throwing out--I don't mean treasures, clothes, books, movies or anything like that. I mean garbage--you know, 12 pop cans, 3 empty water bottles, 2 spoons, 2 hair product containers, empty or dried up fingernail polish, empty eye shadow containers, lip gloss that was leaking out of it's containers, broken pens and pencils, etc. Those are just some of the stuff I threw away in addition to lots and lots of paper. HOW DISGUSTING. Totally against everything I stand for. Neatness. Orderliness. Cleanliness. YUCK! So...the more I thought about what my friend and I had talked about the more I decided that it was my home and her room was unexceptable to me. I have plans to do a complete clean and purge to her room every 3 months.

No surface was left untouched. I went through every drawer, bin, basket, box, bag, purse and shelf. I looked under, behind and in every piece of furniture that is in her room. The shirt she accused me of putting in someone else's drawer--between the mattress and box springs--still confused on that one. I am still missing a cord to her old Ihome that is going to be repurposed in her brother's room--eventually. I'm racking my brain trying to think where that one would be. When I Spring clean the bedding will come off and maybe with any luck it will be in that!?!?! (can't think of where else it will be.

I left a note of stuff she still has to go through: downsizing her tshirts and her tank tops, go through her jewelry and match earrings and throw away any without a match and anything broken, try on her shorts and capris and go through all her art pencils and markers and get rid of any that are broken or no longer work.

I also left a list of stuff I wanted to buy for her room to make storing her stuff (much loved and used stuff)easier for her to get to. She can add or subtract stuff to that list and final approval is mine. Here are a few of the things I want to get: larger garbage can, another magnet board (i have one that used to be Zach's somewhere), a hanging pen and colored pencil organizer, new pillows for her bed--hers are smashed flat and a small/skinny plastic drawer organizer for all her hair products and makeup that will fit under her vanity.

I worked in her room for 4 hours. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment after I hauled out a laundry basket of dirty laundry, one of rummage stuff (old clothes I haven't seen her wear forever) and one of garbage. It felt good. I felt happy.

She on the other hand was none too please with her mother...

Cleaning out the closets

I've been cleaning out closets around here. Last week I did Zach's--even though it doesn't look like it this week unfortunately. Kate did her own last week too--it doesn't look like it either--ugh!!! Anyway, I cleaned out my own closet. I went through shoes and when I was putting my turtleneck sweaters away (I hope they can stay put away)I went through those and downsized--I'm down to 17--still too many and I have plans next week to go back through them to get rid of more. I would like to be down to 10 and keep it at 10 for the rest of my life (ha.) Easier said than done since one of my favorite things is turtleneck sweaters (I am cold blooded). I also put out my 3/4 sleeved sweaters--spring is around the corner you know. I have way too many of those also--going to try to get down to 10 of those (I have 15 now). 5 fall and 5 spring is my goal. I'm up to 6 bins full of rummage stuff--2 came from Kate, 1 from Zach, one from around the house and the other 2 are mine. I'm not done yet either.

It's funny that once I start cleaning one thing it leads to cleaning another and then wanting to organize another part of the house to fit the stuff I need to save but don't want in this closet. It's weird. I told Doug that I want to repurpose a plastic shelf we have in our garage into the basement (plastic isn't damaged by water) so that I can organize: our pet stuff, Zach's sport stuff, Zach's 4 nerf guns (that I would love to put into the rummage sale. ha.)and all the plastic bins/containers I have bought over the years to organize kid's stuff that we have now gotten rid of. That will fill the 4 shelf unit up pretty nicely. Oh I forgot all the camping stuff--need to make room for that--Doug received 2 camping lanterns and a portable propane grill for Christmas along with the air mattress and electric pump for that. Geez, when I get rid of some stuff more always comes along.

Cleaning those 2 closets led me to the basement to clean out 1 set of plastic drawers that I keep off season clothing in. I went through my shoe bin and purse bin and one sweater bin. I still have another sweater bin (I know more sweaters!) and then my spring and summer clothes. I don't feel like tackling those yet. I only want to touch them once--so when I move out the winter shirts and pants and I move in the spring/summer stuff I will go through both.

Think it would be rude of me to make a list for Doug to go through his bins and his closet and drawers???

Is Spring here yet?

I've got a few windows open today and it's a little chilly. I love hearing the birds chirping. A few of my spring flowers are starting to pop up here and there and in one of my flower beds--dandelions!! Can you believe it? They have grown twice their size in about 3 days.

I'm wishing for green grass (we have soya grass so it is still dead looking), daffodils and tulips, curtains blowing in the breeze, short sleeved shirts, taking the flannel sheets off of our beds, hanging laundry on the line, capri pants, and flip flops...oh and spring cleaning. I'm going to start that list this weekend.

I fell off the sugar wagon on Sunday--and haven't been able to get back on yet. I am still determined. Especially since I put some jeans on I haven't worn for a few months and they fit without pouring myself into them. So the 12 days I was off sweets seemed to have worked. Time to get back on and get a few more pounds off before Easter so I can wear some dress pants for church. (since I haven't been working at the credit union (1 year) I haven't been wearing any dress clothes--it could be a problem. Time to get back to it. I felt so much better being off of the stuff anyway. Why wouldn't I want that?

I gave up sugar!

I have to say so far it hasn't been that difficult. I thought it would be like losing a limb, but in reality I've only had a few cravings and I have worked through it. I've been eating a banana, having applesauce or some pears when I feel the overwhelming need to eat something sweet. So I am getting my fruits and vegetables in which is good for me in the long run. I've been without "sweets" for 7 days now.

I've had 2 opportunities that I thought would be hard but turned into being victories for me. A friend of ours bought a business and they had a "changing of the guard" if you will of old owner to new owner and it involved a reception with food and drink. I passed on the alcohol too(which is not on my don't list, but just to be on the safe side I opted out)and didn't even think twice about the carrot cake sitting there all nice and pretty on the buffet table. Everyone at my table partook of dessert but me. It didn't even phase me. Victory #1--and that was the 3rd day without sugar.

Saturday was my nephews 16th birthday party. Doug and I went out to eat at Red Lobster right before it and so I was good and full and said no thank you to the cake and ice cream. I justified it to myself by saying that I don't like the kind of icing she gets on her cakes but really I wasn't even tempted. The best thing for me is to not even look at it. I came to the kitchen to sing Happy Birthday and to get myself a drink of diet coke and that was it. Out of sight out of mind. Victory #2--day 6.

I will share with you the contract I made for myself. I've been adding "bad" things as I think of them for the past 6 days so I think I have it finally mostly ironed out.

My definition of bad "sugars": cookies, cakes, anything Hostess makes(one of my major downfalls), ice cream, donuts (another), muffins, pastries, granola bars, candy, milkshakes, Popsicles, sugar cereal and chocolate(another). That about defines all the things I "go to" when I need a sugar fix.

Sugars I am allowing myself to have: as much fruit as I want (this includes fruit cups and such as long as it isn't in heavy syrup) and 1 cup of fruit juice a day. I am also allowing myself to drink 1 diet Pepsi a day (I have broke this rule twice--at the above two situations--I figure allowing myself an extra diet drink instead of cake and ice cream is okay). I am also allowing myself to drink crystal light and sugar free Kool-aid. I have decided that the sugar free drinks will be decided as I go. It may come to the point where I will feel like I should give those up also--I will decide at that point.

I want to try to do my first 30 days without "sugar" at all. And the 2 major events this month were Cody's birthday (success! yeah) and Zach's birthday which is on Saturday. I'm taking each day as it comes, but would like to make it through that also. Then after the 30 days I am allowing myself 1 or 2 treats a month. I am considering all the bad sugars listed above as treats. I can have one a month. A treat is a treat after all and if you don't have it every day it makes it more special. And then I am allowing myself to partake of one piece of birthday cake and one scoop of ice cream a month if I feel like it. Since there are 22 birthdays in my family I figure there won't ever be a month without birthdays.

I am also allowing myself to eat one homemade sweet roll at Easter, 1 dessert at each holiday, and one dish or cone of ice cream on vacation. But each of those things takes the place of one of the above treats for my month.

I haven't felt a difference in my clothes yet and that is okay. They were so tight at this point that I probably won't notice it for a while. I know the difference and I am okay with that.

I've noticed that my worst time of the day that I crave sweets is around 3:00 when my kids are home or about to be home from school. I either pour myself some Kool-aid or grab a banana. So far so good. I need to come up with alternatives to do at that time to keep me away from temptation.

A new thought...

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately whose owners are giving up sugar. It's giving me pause to think about my life. It always centers around food. What am I going to eat for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, supper, dessert, snack. And most of the time I find myself reaching for something sweet. Even when I am not hungry I want that sweet. I'm thinking about giving up sugar starting March 1st. Sara from http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com has been sugar free for 27 days and has lost 10 pounds. Meg from http://megduerksen.typepad.com has been off sugar for 7 weeks and has lost weight also. Also http://thyhandhathprovided.blogspot.com reads Sara's blog and decided to give up sugar also. I have to say that I am seriously thinking about it. I need to sit down with my handy dandy notebook and make some rules for myself. I have 3 days to decide if this is something I think I can do. I am going to do a little research and let you know.

Why can't I be a simple girl?

Why can't I be satisfied with a good book, some good music, some old well worn and loved things and my love of nature? Why do I long for more things than I need? What hole am I trying to fill with food and material things? Why am I never satisfied? When I figure it out I will let you know.

BEWARE--I am venting in this post!

Why is it that every freaking time I go to the grocery store someone has to make a comment about how many groceries I have in my cart? I'm to the point that the next time someone comments I am going to flip out and slap them or tell them to eff off. It has went that far.

Doug gets paid on/around the 15th and the last day of every month. I go major grocery store shopping after those checks hit the bank. My shopping includes all household cleaners/products and toiletries for 4 people, 2 dogs and a cat. My budget is $250 for each time. I have a 11 year old son and a husband who eats a lot. My daughter packs her lunch every single day and we prepare/cook meal(s) every day of those 2 weeks except 2-4 meals. So we are basically cooking something at least 10 days of those 2 weeks. I only shop at one store--if that store does not have the item I want--I improvise or do without. I do not run all over town going to different stores to get different things--I am a one stop shop kind of gal. Wal-Mart is my salvation when it comes to shopping. I live at least 20 minutes from Wal-Mart.

Today I happened to have to get quite a bit of toiletries, light bulbs, personal hygiene products and toilet paper (the mega package). My cart was a 1/4 full when I headed over the grocery part of the store. So it goes to show that by the end of the trip I was heaping vegetables, fresh breads and a few frozen selection on top and holding my hand over those things to keep them from falling off of the cart when I pulled into the lane to unload. First lady (an acquaintance) told me I needed 2 carts in the frozen section (I hadn't even been to produce or the bakery yet). Checker lady looked at me like "I can't believe you actually came to my lane". Cart was full, but not falling out when I left the lane--I packed it better this time. Stopped at my car to open my trunk and some old fart stopped me and asked me if my trunk was going to be big enough. Are you kidding me? Luckily he was old and I was for some reason feeling...hmmm...nice...so the only comment from me was "yeah, it is I do this every two weeks and it all fits every single time I come". He mumbled something about the 2 weeks--I guess relieved to think that all these groceries were at least for 14 days and not one week's worth. I just don't get people.

Left there and headed straight for McD's drive-thru. Large Diet Coke to go please. My own version of stress relief in a cup. Maybe I should have gotten one BEFORE I headed to Wal-Mart. Ha.

SIMPLIFY

Here's my progress on my One Little Word for 2010. So far not so good. I have tried to stay away from shopping and I have been relatively successfuly in that. We are about to get our tax refund and I have to say that I have been planning ways to spend it, when in fact what I really need to do is put it in the bank and save it for summer. We want to do a few small trips this year and we will really need it for then. So, I am still struggling with that aspect.



Less food--not working. I do have a plan though. When we get our tax refund back one of the things Doug and I have decided to do with the money is join the 24/7 gym here in Macon. Kate is going to go with us and we are going to work on being healthier as a family. Poor Zach is out because he is too young, but he is pretty healthy with all his sports anyway. We get our check on Friday, so starting next week we will be deciding when to go to the gym and we will be sticking with it. Kate is on a mission to lose some weight before vacation and I am right there with her. My shirts are all too short, because my stomach is way too big.



I do find myself thinking how to make my life simpler. I am trying to enjoy being in the moment more and it's very hard for me. I tend to see the past clearly and try to envision the future on a regular basis, but rarely do I live in the moment. I'm trying very hard to do that.

Approaching 40

I've been thinking on my life a lot lately. I guess that is what you do when you are about to turn a milestone birthday. I've been thinking that I have been with Doug over 1/2 my life and can't imagine a day without him now. Also that I am not the wife or mother that I hoped to be when I was younger. Not that that is good or bad, just different than I imagined it would be. I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be the kind of mother I had, and unfortunately, am 75% like her anyway; despite my trying. It's a year for reflection and forgiveness I have decided. Because if I am having trouble being the mother I thought I was--then I can imagine that maybe she isn't the mother she wanted to be either. That maybe she tried her hardest (like me) and maybe she struggled (like me). I'm not about to give up trying to be a better wife and mother though, but after almost 15 years of being a mother, I will admit that it is the hardest job I have ever had. That sometimes being a wife and mother takes a backseat to everything else in my life. I often worry about myself--that I am not appreciated enough, that I do more than 1/2 of the work in this family, that I don't have enough me time and that I am invisible. Maybe my problem isn't any of those things, but more of a reflection of how I feel about being a wife and mother. Maybe I have been looking at it wrong all these years. Maybe being a mother and wife should be treated like a job and the payment for that job is love--not time for myself, not appreciation, not acknowledgement from others. The acknowledgement I seek shouldn't be from others--it should be from myself. I should know in my heart that I am a good mother and wife--and if I feel I am not being those things then I should change myself to accomplish it. I should quit trying to change my family into something they are not. (I often think my family growing up tried to change me--make me something that I was not--I knew I wasn't cut out to be a college graduate, I knew that I wanted to be a young mother, I knew that I wanted to stay home with the kids--but over the years I have let their opinion of me change who I knew I was.)

Here's who I am: I am a mother who had both her children before she turned 30--just like Doug and I wanted it to be. I am a person who never finished college, but never really cared one way or the other. I am a wife to a wonderful man who takes wonderful care of me and our children. I chose to use cuss words to express myself and I am okay with that. I love to use nicknames for the people I love in my life. I frequently call my kids by names that are not theirs and girlfriends by the nickname "woman!" and I am not going to change. I have the best intentions for everything in my life, but intentions are sometimes misplaced or not valid and that is okay. I just need to know that I do the best job I can every day and live with that.

I can say that every big decision in my life I have made without regret: college, husband, children, every job opportunity I have had. I need to live the rest of my life that way. Chose correctly so as not to regret later. That applies to being a wife and a mother. One day my children will be grown and leave my nest--I need to look back on this time in our life without regret. I need to be okay with the fact that maybe my children will resent or need to forgive me later in their own lives because of choices I made about their upbringing that they don't agree with. But I need to be okay with that because despite everything--every choice, every decision, every thought I have ever had about them has been with the best intention of making them the kind of person I want them to be. I hope that they are loving, successful, peaceful, self confident, and live their lives making decisions that they don't regret. I want them to love and be loved most of all. I want them to have peace within themselves. Hopefully 40 isn't too late to find it for myself.

40 things to do before I am 40!

And just so you know that is right around the corner. It is exactly 8 months and 2 days away. I made this list some time shortly after my birthday this year, so I'm thinking it was in late September or early October.

1. Finish cruise scrapbook (we took the cruise in 2008)
2. make a button picture
3. unload the last box in my closet from our move in 2008 done 12/09
4. Volunteer somewhere
5. make a pillow
6. make curtains for the basement
7. start Library of Memories System
8. get all 2008 and 2009 pictures developed off of computer
9. make 25 scrapbook pages 17 as of 1/10
10. finish "paper" closet in den. done 1/18/10
11. go antiquing
12. buy something I love without worrying about the money (maybe wool rug from Target)
13. only get one new purse all year
14. find the perfect brown sandals--buy 2 pair
15. mail cards and letters to my friends on their birthdays
16. write in my journal for the kids more this year
17. blog on a regular basis--maybe weekly
18. put shelves up in my scrapbook area--and put all my "stuff" on them
19. read 4 books I wouldn't normally read
20. see a play
21. see a musical
22. go away for a weekend with just Doug. 11/09
23. do some embroidery
24. do something anonomysly
25. give myself a pedicure once a month
26. have a regular date night with Doug
27. take each kid out to eat by myself Kate 12/09 Zach 1/10
28. go tent camping (cringe)
29. paint a picture
30. update Kate's school album
31. update Zach's school album
32. make an ornament scrapbook with my BFF
33. Serve a dinner on my china 11/09
34. see a major league baseball game
35. wash down all the woodwork in the house
36. walk 3 times a week on a regular basis
37. frame my favorite quotes
38. frame a piece of each kids artwork
39. do 12 scrapbook pages about myself
40. finish landscaping one side of the house

Whew. I better get to it.

Car Trouble

UGH! I've said it before and I will say it again. It seems like the majority of the problems happen when Doug isn't home. Or maybe it just seems like it because he deals with the majority of the problems around here.

Started car this morning and pulled it out of the garage to warm it up before taking Zach down to school to catch the bus. Everything went fine. Told Kate to go out and start the car to warm up again before taking her down to school. (I should have went out there with her to show her since she'd never done it before, but how hard could it be...is what I thought--she can do it) Mistake. She came in saying that the check engine light was on--but I told her it always comes on when the car first starts--well, that should have been my eye opener. When we went out to get in 10 minutes later the car was still cold and only auxiliary stuff was working. Hmmm...I tried to start it--nothing. Brake pedal wouldn't depress---hmmm....then car wouldn't even click. Poor Kate thought she broke the car. Turns out it is the same thing that happened to Doug when he took the boys to practice in Blue Mound 2 months ago--It may be time to take it in and figure out if it needs a new battery or what. Poor Kate. She had to walk to school thinking she had broken the car.

I had to back the jeep out of the garage down the driveway in between the Camry and the neighbor's car and pull it up close to the car. Then I had to find the jumper cables--I hadn't seen any for 20 years (back in my college days when I had to jump Cari's car every other weekend). Doug told me how to do it on the phone, but luckily the brand new never been used jumper cables had directions on them. Now to open the hoods and get started. Doug's jeep hood had to be "unbuckled" (weird) and then I looked around unsuccessfully for a "propper-up" thing. there isn't one. You just lean it back against the windshield (I was praying please don't let me drop it and break the windshield because I don't need anything else to happen today). Jeep done. Camry was easy--hood stays up by itself. Yeah. Red to red--black to black. Start car. It works! Happy dance inside my head--because it is too cold to do it outside. Unhook cables, hoods down, cables away. Jeep pulled back into garage. garage door down by hand. Leave Camry running for 20 minutes. Run inside--make smaller grocery list of essentials that we will need for next couple of days--cereal, milk, diet Pepsi, pop tarts (you're welcome Zach) since I am not running the chance to drive into Decatur and spend 2 hours in Wal-Mart to come out and find that the car won't start again. Run to Dollar General here in town (leave car running while I go in (thank God for small towns)--$21 dollars later and I put car back into garage. Turn car off (Praying all the time that when I go out there later it will start again so I can go somewhere if I need too). close door manually. Go inside and immediately open the diet Pepsi so I can get my caffeine for the day--it explodes. UGH! Anything else? Bring it. Ha.

Day 2-Doug gone

So far so good. Zach is having a few problems in the morning. He can't seem to get up and get going without a lot of complaining and whining. Last night he went to bed at 8:30. That still didn't help. He told me to have a terrible day today when I dropped him off for the bus--because I dropped him off before 7:05 (it was 7:02). So, I don't know what we are going to do about that. Homework and practice went well yesterday--we'll see how it goes the rest of the week.

Kate has been a big help--dishes, dogs, checking Zach's advanced Math homework, helping with supper last night. Gotta love her. We stayed up last night and watched the first half of the news together to get some idea about the weather this week. I wanted the warmest day to go to the grocery store and that turns out is going to be tomorrow--high of 21--woo hoo.

I took the ornaments off the kids' tree upstairs today. Had to do a little hot glue fixing to a couple of ornaments and need to find another small box to put a couple more ornaments in that don't have their own boxes. I will have to buy another rubbermaid container before I can take the actual tree down. Hope I can get that tomorrow at the store. The holidays are almost officially over--I consider it over when all traces of it are gone.