Decision Making

Why is it that I feel that I am the only one in my family that ever makes a decision? Where do we want to eat supper out at? What is going to be fixed for a supper at home? When does the house gets cleaned? When do the kids do their chores? When does the yard get mowed? When does the cat get fed and watered? When does the recycle go out? When do we take the garbage out? When does the furniture get vacuumed? When do clean clothes get put away? When does something we borrowed from somewhere get returned? When do our sheets get washed? When does the sidewalk get shoveled? When does a barking dog that is outside come in? When does the papers that are brought home from school get put away? The answers to all those questions in this house is when the mom says so or when the mom loses what is left of her mind and goes psycho on her family. For one day of my life I would like it if I didn't have to make ONE decision in regards to any one but myself--preferably something like "what color should I paint my toenails?" Is that asking too much?

One Little Word

I was reading Ali Edwards blog today and she talked about how she chooses one word every year to focus on throughout the year. I've been thinking a lot about my goals and dreams for this year and really want to try to do the One Little Word this year. I was driving my kids to my parents today when the word hit me. SIMPLIFY. That's my word. I often think I want/need/have too much and I would love to work on that aspect of my life. Less is more. So not only will that have to do with physical things, but also with my time and food. I want to lose weight this year before we head off to vacation at the end of May or the first of June.

For the first time this year we had planned well enough that the whole week of Christmas was spent mostly at home relaxing and not running around with our heads cut off trying to get everything done at the last minute. So that is another goal of mine--to plan well and carry those plans out--and to ask others to help me carry out plans. For example this year I enlisted my kids to help wrap presents. One kid would wrap one day and the other the next. This kept them out of each other's hair. Also I am going to plan into the budget money for each person to buy the other 3 people in the family a gift--previously we (Doug and I) have bought stuff and then had each person pick something from those things to give to the other, but I have decided that next year each person will be responsible for choosing and buying something for all the others. That way they will experience all that goes into gift giving. It will not be mom and dad doing all the work.

I want to appreciate all that I have, my time and be healthier in 2010. So keeping with my one little word for 2010: SIMPLIFY--I want to buy less, be stingy (or more constructive) with my time and eat less/exercise more this year.

I'm dreading it

Going back into the church office today after lunch. I've got to get the Hawk Hangout papers submitted for November so that they get their money reimbursed. I'm praying that he's not there while I am but I have a feeling he might be since I just emailed him to let him know I was planning on being there. He'll probably be there to make sure I am not doing anything fishy. He's the fishy one, but...My stomach is in knots. I wish I could just tell him what a big jerk he is to his face and save myself the stomach issues, but I cannot do that.

Tonight I am going out with some credit union friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. I am missing one of Zach's games to go, but you know, sometimes friendship is worth it. I checked with Zach first and he said he didn't mind. I'm looking forward to some laughter and fun.

I am still struggling with staying home. Last night I finished up my laundry in anticipation of spending the morning upstairs messing in my scrap area and so far all I have accomplished is a shower and 1 1/2 hours on the computer. I didn't set my 30 minute timer I know. I am going to finish up this post and go dry my hair and then go straight upstairs. I don't have any plans to make pages but I do want to straighten and rearrange up there. Here I go...

It's snowing

And it is the big beautiful fluffy ones. Nothing is sticking, but oh, is it beautiful! It makes my heart happy.

Crick in the neck

Why is it that you can sleep the same way you sleep every night and one day wake up with a crick? Now I look like a dork turning my whole body sideways to look at something. It was not very fun to drive to the store and back this morning.

It's the first day of December

And I don't even have half of my Christmas shopping done. I always have the majority of my shopping done before Thanksgiving. The whole work thing threw me off balance this year. Who'd have thought that when I gave my notice at the beginning of October that they still wouldn't have someone and now it is December. I kept working until I finally couldn't stand him anymore. He was getting even more hateful acting the last two weeks. I picked up my last paycheck today--well, actually it isn't my last one--I agreed to come back and do one of the reports that I do every month for a grant until they hire someone and I can train them on it. The director really wants me to continue to do it indefinitely but the committee doesn't want that. They want the secretary to do it. So...until someone is hired I will continue to get around a check for around a $100 a month. Good thing--I want a new coat.

Tomorrow I am heading to the grocery store by myself in the morning as soon as the kids get off to school. I haven't been able to do this since I left DECU--a whole year. I really miss it. When Doug goes with me we always spend more than our budget. Since we are down to one paycheck it will be good it I can keep it under or on budget.

Next week will be my week to shop. I need to get at least all the neices and nephews and brothers and sisters done. Then that will just leave the parents and the rest of my immediate family. I need to start a list. Another one. I want to be done before the 15th. And I still need to take a picture and write a letter for Christmas cards. Yikes. Where is the time going????

Another lazy day

And I don't know what to do with myself. 2 of the 3 trees are up--waiting for the kid to do the 3rd one--since it has all their ornaments on it. All of the decorations are out. I've figured out that I don't have nearly enough for this house. Will work on getting more at the end of the season when everything is discounted. The tree in the den turned out really pretty. I did all shades/finishes of silver, pearl, and a little clear and white and my Longaberger pewter basket ornaments. I need to add some more burgundy to match the ribbon on them. I'm thinking of buying burgundy poinsettias and adding them here and there. I finished it all off with a silver ribbon with a hint of black in it. Found a gray/silver tree skirt for half off at Hobby Lobby and voila! I am done. I'm still on the lookout for some cranberries--may end up getting real and a white candle for the dining room centerpiece along with a table runner. Also need something small for the back of the toilet and also for the shelf in the foyer by the back door. Then I will be done for this year. I just need to keep adding as the years go buy. I've decided that my color scheme for decorations here on out is red, silver and white and of course green--but I want that to be mostly greenery.

I'm going upstairs to scrapbook until lunch. I have mixed feelings about this. I have a lot to get caught up on--but it is so much I don't know where to start.

I'm thankful for

Good children. Not all the time--but when it counts.

Yesterday, I went to take sandwiches to some of the boys that play with Zach on the junior high basketball teams. I was getting sandwiches for 12 boys and 6 cheerleaders. Girls sat at their own table, quietly doing homework, talking or texting. And some boys did too. But then some boys--took stuff from each other, bounced a bouncy ball around annoyingly, bounced a basketball around--when asked to quit bouncing it they passed it--at each other's heads. Some boys wouldn't stay seated and kept trying to chase or annoy each other. One boy kept trying to go into the girls bathroom (?) no girls were in there so I'm not sure what he was doing. And of course there were those that kept trying to leave the cafeteria to go get "this" or go do "that". Some boys took the hint after being told once and some boys didn't. So...needless to say they lost their privilege to have sandwiches there after school. Now some moms are not too happy with me because of that. Maybe because they think I couldn't handle it and told on the boys--didn't do that--didn't have too--cheerleading sponsor took care of it. A paid sponsor. So those moms can take care of their own bad ass boys. Problem is they don't think their boys are bad asses. At least, I know that my boy is respectful and relatively well behaved around teachers, coaches and other parents. He's mad because today he will have to run "walls" along with the other good kids. What's that saying? "A couple bad apples spoil the whole bunch". True enough.

I'm 2 days in...

I'm 2 days into my stay at home mom phase. Yesterday it seemed like I did laundry from the time I got up (except the time I took a 2 hour nap). Today I am still doing laundry. Zach decided that he would bring home the 5 sweatshirts that he had left in his locker since...who knows when.

Today I am going to make a trip to Wal-Mart, do some more laundry, and then go to Subway and have them make 18 sandwiches for the basketball team. Away game tonight and I am the parent responsible for providing the food for those kids that cannot make it home and back before the bus leaves. That would be all of us Macon people. We'll see how that goes.

I'm thankful for:

Good friends and good margaritas. Ha. Thanks Chad and Dawn for meeting us for supper last night and sharing some laughs with us. We needed it.

Weekend Get away

Doug and I are leaving town tomorrow afternoon and heading up toward Chicago. Don't really have any major plans yet. What we really want is a few days by ourselves and some good food. Kids are staying with Doug's parents. This was the only weekend that there wasn't a game or activity scheduled until after Christmas. Yikes!

I have one week and one day left of working. I told them my last day DEFINITELY! (no changing my mind) is next Friday the 13th. I am so excited. I am ready to sit down that next Monday and start making lists and agendas of all the stuff to get done before the holidays. You know, like kids going through their toys/books/games/movies to make room for new stuff, dressers straightened out, closets and drawers cleaned. I don't know what my deal is, but my holidays go smoother if I know that everything is neat--and that includes the stuff that is hidden from public eyes. I also want to donate some coats this year. I'd like for the kids to each get a name off of the angel tree too. I used to do that when I worked at the credit union--we'd get some names from DCFS and buy $10 gifts. The kids had fun shopping for them.

I need to figure out what I am doing for my Christmas cards this year too. I want to get them started that first week of December.

Christmas shopping has already begun--well, stocking stuffers for right now, but both kids have told us what they want as their big gift so now we just need to wait until those go on sale. I've already gotten a gift for Doug too.

Zach made the middle school basketball team!

Way to go Zach! All your hard work paid off. Zach went to probably 60% of the summer open gyms and 85% of the basketball conditioning for the last month. He tried out for the team on Monday from 4:30-7:30 and Tuesday when he went to school he saw his name on the 7th grade team list. There has been practice every night this week and there will be practice every night next week and games start around November 11th. 5 Sixth graders tried out and 3 of them made it. Not too shabby boys.

Don't tell Zach but I was really excited because I did not want to deal the parents running the 6th grade team this year. They were really overbearing and already saying before we even started practices that each parent was going to be assigned a "chore" that they were going to be responsible for--whether it was set up, concessions or tear down and clean up. That mom was going to pick the best jobs for herself and the moms she liked and she was going to give the crap jobs to those she didn't like. I don't call her Dragon Breath for nothing.

I have to deal with a over bearing parent on the 7th grade team too--maybe more than one I don't know, but the one I know about I can ignore easily. The other lady is so in your face.

The Small Town Rumor Mill Churns Them Out!

So, last Sunday Doug's dad announced in church that I was no longer going to be church secretary. There were a few that were disappointed--a lot of them were shocked. But relatively no big deal.

Wednesday at work I get a call at work from Doug asking if anything was going on and did I need to tell him anything. Confusion on my part. Apparently, one of the old ladies from church told an old lady at a nursing home who told a old lady in a meeting who told Brad's mother in law that I took the kids and left Doug. I beg your pardon!!!

So Brad called Doug wanting to know what was going on. We traced it back to one of the women at church and Doug called and confronted her and then Doug's dad ended up getting in on it. I thought it was humorous at first, but after it went on for a while I was pissed.

Turn up your bell tones ladies!!

Now I am sick

Dog and son are back to normal. I wish I was. My nose started running when I went back to work Thursday and now I have a full blown cold. Scratchy throat, congestion, coughing...lovely.

As I am typing I am thinking that I will be lysolling this keyboard when I get done typing.

I am going to miss my neice's birthday party& Kate going to homecoming tonight--I will have to trust Doug to get the pictures for me. Looks like I will be watching tv and lying on the couch all day. Really I need to try to finish up this week's laundry. Since it had been raining for the last few days I was unable to catch up for fear of water in the basement.

My friend, Scott, is coming to see us tomorrow afternoon. He lives in New Jersey now and is coming home for his 20th class reunion. I hope I feel better before he gets here.

Sick day #3

These pics didn't go in the order I wanted them too, but I have already spent 15 minutes on this and I am done. The first picture is of our 3 year old yellow lab Lily, after a night spent itching and pacing. She apparently had some type of allergic reaction to something in the yard or house last night. Notice how swollen her jowls and eyes are. Poor thing. The second picture is how she looks normally. Doug took off work to come and get her and take her to the vet to see what is going on.

I am at home again with Zach again. It seems he still isn't over what ever bug he has. 3 days is a long time to be out. I will go get his homework after lunch today. I really want to start disinfecting everything, but don't want to do it too soon--I don't want to have to do it twice. I've gotten sheets washed in our room and Kate's the last few days. I haven't seemed to be able to work those in to the chores for a while. It's nice to be able to get those done. Just think in 23 days I will be able to wash those when I want.

Homecoming bonfire is tonight. Kate and her friend are going over there this evening. I don't remember a bonfire when I was in high school. Don't know if we even had one or if it was just that I didn't go.

I did it!

I put in my notice yesterday. I gave them until the end of the month. If I could I would be done today, but I can't do that to them. I am patiently (who am I kidding--I am anything but patient) counting down the days until I am home again. I have 24 days to go. I sat down Sunday night and wrote out my schedule of things I must get done on a daily basis. You know the important things like showering and getting dressed. Ha. I will save those things for Saturday mornings. That's when I will allow myself to run around doing inside chores in my nightgown until lunch. That will get that out of my system. I also made a list of additional things I would like to accomplish--hopefully before Christmas. These are things that need done to the house or around the house to ease my stress during the holidays. Cleaning out closets and what not. I know, not many people worry about clean closets during the holidays, but I am not like that.

I have 2 other projects that I want to be working on during the holiday season too and they are fun projects. My BFF and I are going to be doing a favorite ornament mini scrapbook--we both love ornaments and it is time to document that. Also I am going to attempt a scrapbook that starts at Thanksgiving and goes through New Years. At first I thought it would be a daily book, but now it just may be every few days. I'm still on the fence about how to do it. If I do it everyday it would be around 38 pages plus a title page and a letter at the end. I will be looking for coordinating Christmas paper/embellishment sets to get for both projects along with stuff for Christmas cards. It would be nice to get those done ahead of time too. Well, for now those are my plans. Throw in Christmas shopping, I'd like to do a little baking this year, decorating the house and trying to coordinate a progressive dinner party with our Sunday school class.

Zach is home sick today. He came home yesterday with a stomach ache. Yesterday afternoon he had a slight fever (100.5) and I am keeping him home today. He is complaining now of a sore throat. He woke up with a nightmare last night and crept into bed with me at 4:00 AM. Don't tell him but it was kind of nice. I'll be lucky if I don't get sick--He was coughing a lot. But I will take one for the "mom" team.

Off to do a little laundry--I will be lysoling everything in sight later when he is feeling better, so I better get some of my regular chores done now.

Quote of the week

“You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be”

I've been struggling with working and staying home. It doesn't help that I'm not fond of my job. I've been thinking about this for over a month and last night I decided that I had made a decision--I'm not going to work. For right now. Even though my kids are growing up--a freshman and a 6th grader and don't really "need" me at home...they still like me here. And if the job was something I was in love with I wouldn't be leaving it, but I sit there and think about all the stuff I could be doing at home. I am not "me" there.

I worked the whole time before Doug and I got married up until Kate was 4 and Zach was a little over a year old. Then I stayed home with them for 6 years. And although it didn't seem like it at the time it was the best time of my life. I volunteered at school libraries and helped teachers, was in the PTO and had other moms in my life to have fun with and share stories. 4 years ago I decided it was time for me to go back to work and I went back to the credit union. I wanted to work part time and although technically I was only working 4 1/2 days a week--I was working over 36 hours a week and it was just too much--because also at that time Doug changed jobs within ADM and began travelling. His first trip was to Amsterdam for 15 days. The work thing and taking care of the whole household even if was only for 15 days took its toll on me. We have always shared the housework and kidwork evenly and I just couldn't/didn't want to do it all by myself and work too. Last November our church secretary became sick and was no longer able to work--at the time I thought my prayers for a better part time job had been answered. It was 3 hours a day--from 9:00 to noon--the perfect thing--or so I thought. Little did I realize that I wouldn't really fit into that job either. I was fighting a losing battle--I thought because my kids were older that I needed to work--that I should work. I know now that just isn't in the cards for me. I am 39 and at this point in my life I only want to be doing something I adore. I don't want to go through the motions just to say I have a job. Luckily, Doug's job allows me the freedom to not work if I don't want to. I will be happier. Much happier even if there are days when I will be bored and weeks that money will be tight. I'm hoping my moods will improve because I am not forcing myself to do something I don't really want to do--just felt obligated to do. It was like trying to sticking a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work.

I've felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders once I made the decision. I slept better than I had in weeks. Now I just have to get through the resignation letter and telling the congregation...

I was reading blogs on Monday and came across the quote above. I believe that things happen for a reason. That quote gave me the courage to do something that will not be easy. It won't be easy telling my friends and fellow church goers that I won't be their secretary any more. It won't be easy telling the minister that I can't work for him. It won't be easy to continue to be on the committees and teams I am on, but you know what? Life isn't easy. I will do it. I will get through it. And I will be happier. Who knows, maybe there is someone out there who needs that part time job more than I do and this will be their prayer answered. God has something in store for me--I just don't know it yet.

It's been a day!

Whew! Let's see...broke off a tooth this weekend had to go into the dentist this morning at 8 am to have them tell me I need a crown. Scheduled that for October 13 and November 3. Went to work at 9--had hair cut at 12:30 and did not schedule another one (proud of me Dawn?) I told her I did not have a calendar I would have to call--am not going to. At 1:30 I went to church to help out with a funeral dinner and left there at 3:45 to go pick up Zach from basketball practice. Now I am trying to decide if I am going to go to the grocery store this evening while Doug works the concession stand at the varsity volleyball game. Apparently the chorus gets the profits from this---what? chorus? Who knew--and since Kate's in chorus. Better him than me. I might as well cram one more thing into this day. Then tomorrow I can just sit back and relax. Yeah right!

I have decided that the old folks who work funeral dinners only do it to socialize. The other person who was my age and I were working while the rest of them sat around and talked about everyone. They kept asking me who people were at the dinner---I DON'T KNOW! I have no idea I did not grow up in this town. UGH!! And the church kitchen is not organized--what so ever--it took every bit of my will power not to start cleaning out drawers and rearranging stuff. The only reason I didn't is because I knew that when I go back to help the next time it will all be messed up again. Better not waste my energy.

Doug's mom is out of the hospital and doing better. She had a visiting nurse come today to change the bandages where they took the tubes out. I don't know how well Doug's dad would have handled that. I did laundry for him over the weekend. I washed and dried and folded his tshirts and socks and made Doug fold his dad's underwear--too creepy for me--even though they were boxers. (Shudder). I kept thinking to myself that that would be part of my weekly chores in some years--taking care of him. They told us Darlene could have decades, but...you never know right? I might be doing both of their laundry.

Fall is finally here. It was so cool yesterday we closed some of the windows we have had open most of the summer. I've been wearing 3/4 sleeve sweaters the last few days--I have been longingly looking at my sweaters for a month or so now--it's good to get to wear them. Now, if I could just get it in gear and get my fall stuff out. Doug's old ADM group is coming over for a porch party this weekend--I really should do it before then. Hmmm....

Two days until...

I'm 39. Oh my. The big 4-0 is right around the corner. It used to bother me a lot to think of myself as older--ok--middle aged, but lately I'm fine. There are a lot of good things that happened this year. I'm living in my dream home. My husband and I have been married 16 years and he is still my best friend. My daughter is a freshman in high school. My son is in 6th grade. We am healthy & happy almost all of the time. I have hobbies I love. Both sets of our parents are doing well. We have good brothers and sisters and inlaws. We have 4 neices and 4 nephews. Our children are doing well in school and are well mannered (in spite of us). Ha. We have good friends--really good friends that help us out whenever we need it and listen whenever we need it. We love God. We can't ask for more than that.

My baby girl is growing up.

On Sunday Doug and I cleaned out the unfinished attic space. Since we moved in we have been cramming stuff in there that we don't know what to do with, want to put in a rummage sale, or just need to get out of the way. Well, it was a pit. We dragged almost everything out and threw a lot of it away. The mice had been into Kate's old easy bake oven and ate a mix for that and also clean the ears off of some Indian corn that was on one of my fall wreaths. Time to get some traps set up there. UGH!

In the middle of all the cleaning I decided to have Kate get all of her "toys" out of her room. We went through Polly Pocket, Barbies, My Scene dolls, Littlest Pet Shop, We three friends, Strawberry shortcake dolls, Groovy girls, etc. The only thing we didn't do is Bitty Baby and her Amerian girl dolls. I will save that for another day. It was hard to pack up all her stuff and put it away, because I know she is growing up and not a little girl anymore. She hasn't been one for a while now, but I was in denial. We through out 3 garbage bags of stuff and multiple boxes. The garbage man probably loved us. But I kept all of the above things as keepsakes. One day when my grandkids come over I want them to play with toys that their parents played with. I know...I'm weird. I have the room to store them, so I will.

It did my organizing self good to go through everything and find bins and containers for it all. It's another thing crossed off of my big to do list that I want to get done before summer is over. I have 18 or so days left to get it all done. I still need to go through our junk closet down here, unpack the last box in my closet, get my pictures off the computer and cameras developed, clean out the computer cabinet, put some pictures in a wall mounted jewelry "box" Doug bought me for Christmas and go through the kids' keepsakes and purge. (I do this every few years to thin stuff out to make room for more stuff.) Not a bad list, but I better get on it.

Today was a good day...

It wasn't too stressful, it wasn't too long or too short...it was just right. And tomorrow Doug comes home and all will be right in the world. It's hard not to talk to him every day. Oh, we have been doing the texting and the emailing and a few calls now and then, but my life is so boring without him around.

Zach's baseball team finally one a game. It was a blow out and was good for the boys' egos. They needed it because we are usually the ones getting spanked. Badly!

I went to Target yesterday to get a few things we needed and it made me want to Christmas shop. I found this really cool glass candle holder thing--I used to have one that was broken by my son and his friends when they were playing something inside the house that they shouldn't and I was devastated. Not only because it cost $60, but because I loved that thing. I wouldn't go by myself another one, because well...money doesn't grow on trees and what if it got broken again? So yesterday at Target--they had them--for $15. I wanted to buy 2 or 3. Ha. I bought one for myself and I'm thinking about going back to get one each for both of my sister in laws for Christmas. At that price I can buy potpourri and a candle and still be under my $25 Christmas present budget. Awesome. Hope they have some still this weekend after we get paid. That will be 2 presents I don't have to worry about.

Also I am going to pick up a couple of small things for Zach. He and his friends were in the yard last weekend for hours and hours playing base ball with tennis balls. They were using multiple things for bases including baseball caps, my hummingbird feeder (that one disturbed me) and big sticks and such. Guess what? Target has bases for 12.99--that's a good deal. I'm always looking for things for him. I'm on the lookout for a binder for his baseball cards that the outside actually looks like a baseball. I've seen them somewhere and now can't find them. Dang, I hate that.

It's the start of another crappy week...

Pardon my pessimissim all ready. I am just having a real rough time with my new boss at work. He insulted me pretty bad last Monday and now everything he says and does is like salt in that wound. I just can't seem to work past it. I don't know if I want to. I hate to give up already, but man...I don't want to be miserable either.

Doug is gone again this week and I have 3 baseball games, a middle school open house and 3 church meetings this week. On top of that I have to help with homework and manage the kids so that they are getting their chores done on top of school work and then getting showers and to bed on time. Oh, and did I mention that we have a double header on Saturday morning and we are hosting cards at our house at 5:30. So on top of everything else I am trying to get/keep my house cleaned before then. I don't want to wait until Friday and try to do it all.

And my husband who is 3 hours away's answer is to "relax" and "take it easy". I love you honey, but...telling that to someone who is freaking out about things isn't really a very good idea. Or you will see that she will freak out on you--like she did. Ha. I bet he's thinking...Psycho b! I know I am. Did I mention that it's that time of the month? Are you seeing a picture here?

Zach pitched the second game last night and in one inning gave up 12 runs. It was absolutely horrible. I can't even believe the coach let him stay in. The team we played was phenomenal though--I could tell that they were mostly 8th graders--or giants--I'm not sure which. I only remember 3 infield balls being hit--the rest were in left and center field--way out in left and center field. It was heart breaking for Zach. I told him not to feel too bad, the pitcher in the first game did the same thing. No game tonight--just practice.

I'm off to open house tonight. Here's hoping that he gets home from practice in time to eat supper and start on his homework before I leave for that...UGH!

Are kids stupider nowadays...

or is it just mine in particular. So last night I was upstairs working on my wedding scrapbook--yes I know I have been married for 16 years--I'm slow okay, any way I'm working away and I hear laughter and it sounds like the kids are having a good time. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes later and all of a sudden there is screaming and I hear the sounds of flesh hitting flesh and then crying, oh and also a thundering of foot steps--you know like someone is chasing the other. So I come down the stairs--not quietly mind you to investigate and they are still going at it. Of course they only pick the times when there is one parent at home to go at it, but why did it have to be me. Ha. So, suffice to say, they both had to go to bed early last night and they lost their phones until Saturday.

Now I remember when my sister and I had a knock down drag out it was when neither one of our parents were home. Then you can do all the bitch slapping and hair pulling that you want. Well, apparently my kids don't care who's home when the mood strikes them. Like I said, they are stupid.

School has started!

And not a moment too soon. Ha. My sanity was starting to go. Not that I have that much any way. Ha.

Went yesterday and picked up some books at the library. I'm hoping to get through a few in the next couple of weeks. I use reading as a de-stresser, but lately I haven't even picked up a book. I need to get back up into my scrap room too and do a few pages or even organize something.

Today was my son's first day of middle school and my daughter's first day of high school. I feel so old right now. My daughter was lying in bed with me last night (while I was trying to read) and was nervous becuase she hadn't looked where her classrooms were while we were at registration. And I was trying to be a good person and not say "I told you so". So I reassured her with "You'll be fine", "you can ask someone where stuff is" yada yada. I don't think that really assured her though because she said, "mom, tell me some horror stories of your first day of high school". Sadly I had to tell her that I didn't have any--I didn't want to tell her that I don't remember back that far. Ha. It's the old thing again.

Zach on the other hand was extremely excited to go and didn't have any worries what-so-ever. He came home to tell me that he had 4 favorite teachers so far (out of 7) and that he got his lock opened 5 out of 5 times. Those must have been his worries.

Doug is in Quincy all this week for ADM. He will be back for the weekend only to go back on Monday. Hopefully it will just be for 2 weeks. He told me last weekend that he might have to go back to Amsterdam this year in the fall. I asked him if he realized that it was almost fall....

Summer's Almost Over...

It's hard to believe that in one week the kids will be back in school. This summer flew by. They usually do. Zach is on the middle school baseball team so his games start this Saturday and there are 15 games in the next 4 weeks. Yikes. Doug is going on a business trip next week too. Why is it that he always has to go somewhere for work when there are things going on in our life--leaving me to handle it alone. Frustration! I can handle it--it just pisses me off. Ha.

I volunteered to work at high school registration yesterday from 2:00-6:00pm. UGH! It's been a while since I volunteered so I was a little rusty. It seemed like the longest 4 hours ever. It wasn't of course, but I like to complain. I met some of the parents. I really wanted to do it to see who some of the kids were. I'm nosey like that. I was scoping some cute freshman and sophomore boys out for Kate. No juniors or seniors for her this year. (Is that wishful thinking?) And I bought her yearbook. $50.00. Is that unreal or what? I can't remember what mine cost, but yikes.

I go to speak with Zach's 6th grade teachers Monday at 1:30 to talk about his diabetes. I think that will be relatively easy to do w/o Doug. ha. Pissy again!

I'm going to try to enjoy the rest of the summer--the whole last week of it. Ha. I realize it actualy goes through 22nd--I'm just being pissy again.

Could it be possible?

That my little baby girl is going into high school? I still remember when I was a freshman in high school. I told Doug that today was almost worse than signing her up for kindergarten. No tears this year, but plenty of butterflies for her. The good thing about her having a July birthday is that she won't get her permit this year--she'll have to wait until 1st semester next year. Whew!

We also met with Zach's middle school principal today before registration to talk about his diabetes. It makes me a little nervous only because he will be changing classes this year and there won't be one teacher keeping track of him--there will be 7. He is a responsible boy so I should trust that it will be fine. It's just the mother in me.

I struggle...

With my kids, my job, myself and with my life. Do you ever feel like you aren't a grown up yet or am I the only one? I am steadily approaching 39 and some days I don't feel a day over 15. It seems weird in the aspect that I run a family and a home but I don't feel like a accomplish much in life. I also have trouble with conflict and seeing that I am somebody. How do I overcome all the chaos that I feel and help my kids overcome and conquer all the stresses that they will face in life? I struggle with it on a daily basis. I keep hearing that people find out who they really are in their 30s. So far I am still desparately seeking that person that I truly am. I'm bold--but not really. I'm funny--but not in a positive way. I'm organized--but only sometimes. I'm happy--but it is mostly when I am alone. I'm crafty--but don't give myself enough credit. I'm mostly grumpy, tempermental, prone to hysterics and mad at the world. None of the things I truly want to be. None of the feelings I want my children to have when they grow up--I don't want them to be like me in the feelings department. I will keep thinking on this subject as I struggle...

Why do I love blogs so much?

And why do I spend most of the time I am on the computer looking at blogs. I've decided I love to read other peoples thoughts. It's like taking a look into someone's journal. I mostly read real moms who struggle with the same problems I have, some are really good photographers (which I am not) some are very thrifty and some are very crafty. I even have a few scrapbook "celebrities" I read regularly. Some times I check there blogs a few times a day--like they have the time to post once a day not alone twice. It's an obsession with me.

I even enjoy blogging. Because I love to write and always have and it is much easier to type out a bunch of words than sit and write in my journal. I try to do that too though--I want my kids to read my words--in my own handwriting when I am gone. I always thought I would write a book some day. You know, I might still do that...who knows.

I'm off to stalk--I mean read some more. Ha.

I'm a brunette again!

Well, I went back to my natural color tonight. But it is so dark. I'm tired of paying too much money to get my hair highlighted and lowlighted. It's time to be boring old brunette Lori again. It's weird to catch myself in the mirror though. I keep thinking "who is this person" looking at me. Oh, and I got bangs. I wanted long bangs--but got freakishly short ones. They look okay, but come on. Cut it like I want it. Anyway, this is my plan to save $100 every time I go to the hairdresser. It will stay brown for awhile--unless of course I have gray hairs in the real color and then I am back to the bottle. Ha.

I worked on my wedding scrapbook today. It's only been 16 years--will I ever finish it? I actually just started the album. 3 years ago. It's frustrating to have that still on my to do list. So, my goal is to get it finished--all the way--by the time the summer is over. And just to clarify, my summer is over on September 21--or whatever day in September summer officially ends. That gives me more than a month. Surely I can finish it by then.

Went to the library with the kids when I got home from work yesterday afternoon. They have both already finished one of the books they got. Yes. I said both my kids read a whole book in one day. Write it down. Ha. I didn't think they had it in them. They are like me. They had to ride their bikes back to the library today to get more books. Yeah. I got 4 yesterday. I will be lucky to get them all read in the 2 weeks. I did start one today at the hairdresser--I'm already on page 75. I need to go so I can get a few minutes reading in before I go to bed.

I can't wait until school starts so I can get back on MY schedule!

Is it fall yet?

It feels like it. All this non-hot weather has really gotten me in the mood for getting my fall decorations out. I still have almost 2 more months until it actually is fall.

We went down to my Grandma Bright's yesterday to get this huge cabinet/bookcase that was in her and my grandpa's garage. One time before she passed away I was out in the garage with my mom and noticed this cabinet that I fell in love with. My grandpa was a mechanic and he had it loaded down with all sorts of parts and garage what not. No one in my family sees what I do in the cabinet. They are all shocked that I want it. To them it is just a piece of junk. Wait until Doug gets done with it. He is in the process of painting it right at this minute. I am going to try to wrestle it upstairs and put it in my scrap area and load it up with some of my own what not. And when it is all decorated I am going to take a picture of it and email it to everyone so that they know I am not crazy.

Speaking of treasures from Grandma and Grandpa's...I also got a painted pink stool that used to sit in my Great Grandma's front porch area and it held a basket to catch the mail from her slot. (I have the basket too--I have had it for most of my life though--it was what I used for my baby's cradle when I was little) Anyway back to the stool, it was the extra seat all of us kids used when there weren't any other chairs at the dinner table. I also got this cool retro table cloth--my mother said was ugly. It has turquoise, salmon pink and a tan color in the designs on it. I won't use it in the house--it doesn't got with my decor, but I will use it on my porch or at a picnic or whatever. I will think of my Gram every time I use it. I got a old tablecloth from Doug's grandma's stuff when she passed away too along with some cool doilies--some are crocheted and some have embroidery work on them. I love old stuff. I have visions some day of making them into cool pillows for the porch. That is on my to do list--maybe when the kids are gone.

Only 8 more days until school registration and then another 8 days after that for school to start. I am ready. It's good to have time without a routine, but I am a woman who likes routine and I have had enough of a summer with no schedules. Plus I also like my time alone and I can count on one hand how many times I have had to myself this summer. I need my own time in a house without kids and a husband. No offense family!

Heading to the library tomorrow to get a couple books to read. I'm hoping the kids will go along with me and get a few to read themselves.

Back to the grind

We are back from our mini getaway to St. Louis and my trip to Florida. I hate to say it but it is nice to be home. I can't believe I said that. Guess I am just a home body at heart. As much as I complain and complain about chores and stuff around the house I was feeling odd about not doing any laundry or chores while we were gone.

Speaking of chores while I was gone--I came home to a load of towels done and a new light fixture in the dining room. Also the yard was mowed. Plus the house wasn't too bad--I am quite shocked on that one. They were busy most of the time so I shouldn't be surprised.

Oh and I came home to the fender on MY car being bashed in. Doug was in an accident--the lady hit him and then didn't stop. How lovely! IN MY CAR. ugh. He's going to get an estimate tomorrow at lunch time...Life...there's nothing like it, right?

I finished a small scrapbook album of all my neices and nephews--which is going to have some type of Cousins theme. I only have to come up with a few snapshot pictures to add here and there and Voila! it will be done. I also finished all my professional pics of the cousins for their scrapbooks--I am caught up on those now--and I also started an album about the 4 of us. I was very happy with my progress, but wish I would have taken more to do. I also read 1 1/2 books, swam in their pool, watched a movie and visited a lot. I really enjoyed the trip. It was nice to have no responsibilites and no real schedules. The second night we didn't eat supper until 8:30--we lost track of time and didn't realize how late it was. Awesome. All of our flights were uneventful--well, for me--some blanket covering teenager slept on Dawn's shoulder for the majority of the flight from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale. Ha. Not really funny--but sorta, kinda--sorry Dawn.

I am loving working with the new pastor--so far. He's a worker and wants me to be involved with everything--I love that even more. I am so excited to actually work. I even agreed to work an extra hour every day this week to get on the same page with him--sometimes 3 hours isn't enough.

June is almost gone!

Baseball games twice if not three times a week. Lots of rain. Chores from our chart getting done. Open gym for middle school basketball tryouts. 2 nieces birthdays. A trip to a scrapbooking store and out to lunch with my BFF. A lot of blonde in my hair. A basketball tournament. A graduation party. A movie date with Doug. A sleepover for Kate's birthday with her 3 BFFs. A trip to see Transformers--there were 15 of us. A baby shower. A going away potluck for our Pastor. I0 books. 5 scrapbook layouts. At least 2 trips to the pool a week. Zach got his first cell phone--Kate her second-with a keyboard-for her birthday next week. This was our June.

July will be hectic for us too. But this summer I am not freaking out about being busy--this is our life--and in this moment we are busy. We say yes to whoever asks us first, say thanks but no to anything more than we can do and that's what it is. We are headed to St. Louis at the end of next week for a mini vacation. We are going to watch the fireworks on the river, take a trip to Grant's Farm and the Science Center, and hope to see an old friend and her family while we are down there and we will finish it all up with a trip to see Zach's diabetes doctor. He's been doing better than last time at keeping his blood sugars in the normal range. Good for him.

After we get back from St. Louis--I have one day to do all our laundry, plus go into work for a few hours to help the new pastor get ready for Sunday's service then BFF and I are headed to Florida for a few days for a little girls time out. We plan to do some scrapbooking, lay by the pool, drink a few margaritas and relax a lot from our everyday lives. I am taking a couple books and a couple magazines. Dawn sleeps later than I do--I can get some reading done. Some more reading done.

Before I know it summer will be gone and I will be wondering where it went.

June here we come!

I was looking at my calendar this morning trying to find a Saturday to schedule our card club and low and behold--we have exactly 2 Saturdays free before August and one of them is a maybe. What is up with that? This weekend is a AYBT tournament that Zach is in. 3 games on Saturday, 2 on Sunday and Kate and I will have to miss on Sunday, our church is celebrating our graduates and since she "graduated" from 8th grade she is being recognized. I hope we can catch the last part of the second game because it starts when we get out of church. Doug also mentioned going to a 1st Sunday market in Decatur--it is supposed to be a huge flea market type atmosphere with antiques and crafts. He knows I am always up for that. I better measure the places I need stuff for and write that down so I have it. I need to stick a tape measure in my purse also.

Doug talked to our loan officer today and we are going to close on our home loan tomorrow or Friday. Finally! Majority of work is done (the stuff we borrowed the money for--and the bathroom too) so it is only right we start paying huh? It will be a relief to know a payment amount and start paying down. The way it is now we will be 68 when we get done paying for this house. Plans are now to pay extra every month to get 2nd mortgage paid off and then put those amounts toward the loan every month. I don't want to be almost 70 and still paying for the house. I'm sure Doug will work until then (notice how I didn't say I would--although I could probably still do the church secretary job until then. ha) so no big deal, but...come to think about it...Doug's mom and dad are still both working and they are 68 and I don't see them quitting any time soon. I think it keeps them young. My parents are 10 years younger and my mom is retired. My dad talks about it non stop. I don't know what they will do when they both are off. They don't like to travel. Hmm...I digress.

My BFF is coming over today and we are going to "play". That for us is scrapbooking, talking, discussing the house, talking, complaining about whatever, listening to some good music (well, to me it is all good, but she doesn't know some of my music--she's too young--Hmph!) and some more talking. I don't know how late she is staying--we usually have to stop at 2:30 and go home to get our kids, but it's summer! YEAH! I wonder if we will actually accomplish anything project wise--I know we will get some mental health problems solved because that is what we do for each other, but scrap book pages...we will have to see.

It's summer--why can't I get it in gear???

Of course, I have all these plans for the summer. I made out rules and chores for the kids, made a little plan for myself for the house and also for scrap booking, made another list of stuff for Doug to get done and here we are a week into the summer vacation and I accomplished one thing off of all my lists and I did that before school even got out. I have gotten off of work at noon each day, came home to eat lunch and promptly laid down to take a nap. That's not going to work real well. I better make another plan for my plans. Ha.

Zach and I ran some errands today. Katy gets home tomorrow so it was nice to do something with just he and I--because of course, I had another plan of stuff to do with him while she was gone and we did one thing. Oh wait, two. Out of 5. Anyway, we went to McD's (he picked) and then we ran to Hobby Lobby to pick out paper to make invites for a graduation--I needed ribbon also, but of course they didn't have any to match, so then we had to run to Jo Ann Fabrics--neither place is very boy friendly, but he was wonderful and carried my basket for me. After Joann's we went to Target to get a pair of my favorite flip flops--the same flip flops I have gotten every year for the last 2 or 3 years and guess what? No flip flops. So I had to pick another pair (or two) out. He shook his head to me because I apparently was taking too long to make a decision. He ran off to look at basketball cards and I wandered around the store looking at whatever. We met back up and the 2 of us tried to wrestle 40 pounds of dog food onto the bottom of our cart. Ha. It was a sight.

Today was a good day for him. He (nor I) barely yelled at all. Maybe being conscious of it is helping me. Well, at least I am working on one of the fruits of the spirit.

Our Memorial Weekend in Review

I am all for long weekends. This weekend was both relaxing and busy--a nice combination.

Saturday: Was able to do some errands and work a little on the house. Road trip to Greenville, about an hour and a half away, for my cousin's husband's graduation. His Aunt had a wonderful home full of antiques and Longaberger baskets--2 of my most favorite things. And a real cool brick patio/garden to have the party in.

Sunday: Up for Sunday school and Church. Ate lunch out with the inlaws--few more errands and then home to work a little more on the kitchen and picked up my scrap area. Tons of laundry done. And then off to our nephew's highschool graduation--I can't believe he is 18 already, a little warm in the gym, but the weather was beautiful for the party.

Today: I was up early while everyone else was sleeping in so I did a little more laundry, wrote Kate a note for her to find while she is in DC, finished helping her pack, made my son, Zach, pick up his room--oh the agony, took Kate to catch the bus and headed to Lowe's for some kitchen stuff, to Red Lobster (Zach and I's favorite "real" eating place--his definition of not fast food) for supper and then to Walmart to shop for some groceries. We are now home and Doug is again working in the kitchen--it's the little things that kill ya. I just got done putting away the groceries--I am heading down to do some more laundry--can you tell I was behind--and then pick up some more upstairs and be done in time to watch the first episode of this season's Jon & Kate plus 8--oh the controversy. I'm addicted to that show. Appraiser is coming back tomorrow at 4 so we can get our home loan finished up. The end is drawing closer.

Hope your Memorial Weekend good for you too.

He works in mysterious ways

I have been praying a lot for myself lately...to find a little patience and self control when it comes to my son. It seems like lately all I have been doing is yelling at him. He goes at one speed at all times and that is S-L-O-W--like a turtle. And he gets distracted easily. So if you tell him to go upstairs and get me this one thing and put this thing away, he inevitably forgets to do one of the things--which leads me to remind him of the other. More than once. A little louder this time. And then it's full blown yelling. It also doesn't help when he tries to defend himself and that usually involves blaming of someone else. Instead of just saying "okay, Mom--sorry I forgot" it is always "well, if so and so hadn't of done this, I wouldn't have forgotten that" and so on and so on. Aggravating in the least...but I am the adult and I should get a handle on my anger.

So today at Sunday school our teacher had a class member read out loud Galatians 5: 22-23. It is the passages about fruits of the spirit. Now, I didn't grow up in a church so I had never heard of fruits of the spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering (which I take to mean patience) gentleness, goodness, faith. Meekness, temperance (here is where I think it means self control), against such there is no law." So...we discussed what we are good at and what we need to work on. I thought about and and came to the conclusion that I am not good at any of the above. I love, but it isn't unconditional, which is the best kind (Thank you Grandma Bright and Grandma Hambrecht); it is hard for me to be happy or find joy--I tend to be the glass is half empty gal; Peace--what is that?; Patience--see above--I have none; Gentleness--nothing again; Faith--there is where I am probably working the most--I have started doing daily devotionals; meekness--again--what is that--I am right--yes, I am; self control--again if I had some of that I wouldn't find myself flying off the handle, with my eyes bugging out--like I am a psycho mom from Hell. So my goal this summer is to work on all of these things and continue working on them until I can at least say I am good at one of them. I think I will be happier and I know my family will be too.

I hate when I do that!

Last night I wigged out when my daughter's whole bottle of bodywash leaked out onto my bathroom floor. I wigged out because I just don't understand how the whole thing could happen and that no one noticed it before it was completely empty. We have a claw foot tub with the shower curtain around the top of it and so we have a wire shelf type thing that sits just outside the tub but behind the shower curtain with all the required soaps, shampoos and body washes. Some how...again...I'm not sure how it even happened...I went in there to find her trying to mop up body wash with paper towel. Now we all know what happens when liquid soap is spilled--I'm thinking of dish soap--and not the whole bottle of that--it is quite hard to get up. All I can think of is that every time I will mop the bathroom floor I will have suds anywhere. So I ranted and raved and went on and on and I'm sure she wanted to say "Shut the eff up", but she wouldn't because she is a nice 13 year old girl. I felt bad the whole night after that and couldn't sleep because all I could think of was that I went overboard. She cleaned it up herself with a little help from her dad so I should have went easier on her. Things happen, but unexpected things especially when they are messes really freak me out. I was a good mother though and went up this morning to apologize to her and tell her that I was sorry I over-reacted and that I had trouble sleeping last night because I knew it was wrong of me to get out of control like that. I know the whole spill thing won't happen again, because she will make every effort to do things differently because she is a good girl like that. But, I'm sure I will wig out again--lately that is what I do best.

I can't believe I did it!

I don't know how long I have been thinking about doing this, but man, I just accomplished a goal I had for this year. Not that I don't ever accomplish goals but; this is a big one. My bff, Dawn, will be so proud of me. And maybe a little envious too. Maybe this will spur her on to start hers too. I just hope I can figure this whole blog thing out.