Quote of the week

“You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be”

I've been struggling with working and staying home. It doesn't help that I'm not fond of my job. I've been thinking about this for over a month and last night I decided that I had made a decision--I'm not going to work. For right now. Even though my kids are growing up--a freshman and a 6th grader and don't really "need" me at home...they still like me here. And if the job was something I was in love with I wouldn't be leaving it, but I sit there and think about all the stuff I could be doing at home. I am not "me" there.

I worked the whole time before Doug and I got married up until Kate was 4 and Zach was a little over a year old. Then I stayed home with them for 6 years. And although it didn't seem like it at the time it was the best time of my life. I volunteered at school libraries and helped teachers, was in the PTO and had other moms in my life to have fun with and share stories. 4 years ago I decided it was time for me to go back to work and I went back to the credit union. I wanted to work part time and although technically I was only working 4 1/2 days a week--I was working over 36 hours a week and it was just too much--because also at that time Doug changed jobs within ADM and began travelling. His first trip was to Amsterdam for 15 days. The work thing and taking care of the whole household even if was only for 15 days took its toll on me. We have always shared the housework and kidwork evenly and I just couldn't/didn't want to do it all by myself and work too. Last November our church secretary became sick and was no longer able to work--at the time I thought my prayers for a better part time job had been answered. It was 3 hours a day--from 9:00 to noon--the perfect thing--or so I thought. Little did I realize that I wouldn't really fit into that job either. I was fighting a losing battle--I thought because my kids were older that I needed to work--that I should work. I know now that just isn't in the cards for me. I am 39 and at this point in my life I only want to be doing something I adore. I don't want to go through the motions just to say I have a job. Luckily, Doug's job allows me the freedom to not work if I don't want to. I will be happier. Much happier even if there are days when I will be bored and weeks that money will be tight. I'm hoping my moods will improve because I am not forcing myself to do something I don't really want to do--just felt obligated to do. It was like trying to sticking a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work.

I've felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders once I made the decision. I slept better than I had in weeks. Now I just have to get through the resignation letter and telling the congregation...

I was reading blogs on Monday and came across the quote above. I believe that things happen for a reason. That quote gave me the courage to do something that will not be easy. It won't be easy telling my friends and fellow church goers that I won't be their secretary any more. It won't be easy telling the minister that I can't work for him. It won't be easy to continue to be on the committees and teams I am on, but you know what? Life isn't easy. I will do it. I will get through it. And I will be happier. Who knows, maybe there is someone out there who needs that part time job more than I do and this will be their prayer answered. God has something in store for me--I just don't know it yet.